Saturday, October 27, 2012

Just Talk

I woke up early this morning. The weather changed from 82 to 48 in just a few hours and the bone in my hip is throwing a wall-eyed-hissy-fit. However I am excited to say that a fresh pot of veggie 15 bean soup is on the stove and I can wear a sweater today! I am very happy to pull out the warm clothes. Lying in bed this morning petting a big purring furball, my mind went back in time to other fall seasons, little girls in dress up clothes, visiting the punkin patch, and taking trips out to Watsonville for apples.

sigh... I have lived a great blessed life. My joy is full and my heart is grateful. All those years that seemed so hard have distilled down into a sweet savory cup; I only remember the joy.

the struggles--gone

the quarrels--gone

the stuff we never could afford like a swing set--didn't matter

all the stuff of worries--never happened.

How do I know that?

I pulled out picture boxes  piled them high on the bed, with a good cup of hot Good Earth tea in hand, furball purring, and went through the visual reminders of my life,  it was good.

I pulled out a bunch of costume pics to share that will be fun. It's work though I have to scan them into the printer and then onto the lap top but they are so cute I just might. No promises!

I have such a long list of stuff to do. I finally got a wedding present finished and in the mail. I made it. I am taking the time and effort to go back to my roots of home made. It saves money and it means more. But I am not the whiz I was. I have had aprons to cut out on the kitchen table long enough to gather DUST.  Really?  The good positive perspective is there is still hope that I will get to it! I didn't pack it up and put  it away which means it will never get done. So there is hope.

I could lay out an excuse. I can't stand long because I have another CAST. This tendon has been messed up for 6 months. 6 weeks in the cast and then if it's still not healed another trip to the OR. Really I am a surgical junky, 10 surgeries in 25 years. A bit nuts! Everything with me seems to call for a knife.
But God. I am not complaining. 

No worries.

How do I know that?

Because of two words; but God.

I went for my yearly ya know, it's breast cancer awareness right now. I had done a BSE and felt something different, not a lump but not right either, something thick and dense. I thought maybe it was because I can't raise my arm above my head so I figured I'd go in and get my physical.

My doctor didn't like it much. I went to the hospital for a mammogram and an ultrasound and they are both normal which is great news. But there is a but; my mother died of breast cancer and she was diagnosed at 45. My daughter has already had cancer and had a total hysterectomy at 30. So we drew the blood test a BR AC to see if I carry a mutation gene; but medicare won't pay for it because I haven't had cancer myself .  The test costs over $3000. I don't have that kind of change. So much for government health care.  It can only get worse! Politicians do not have any business regulating health care they have got it so screwed up we can hardly work, just ask anyone in health care.

Because of my family history I have a referral to an oncology surgeon on November 12th. We'll decide then what do about my mass if anything. I'm kind of leaning toward taking it out. It may be benign now but whose to say it will stay that way? I don't know. It's weird. I'm willing to listen to the experts first. That's why they get paid the big bucks.

I smell soup. I always said that if I ever got cancer I would do a juice fast and a vegan diet for healing. I have started that without the answer. I'm praying that by November 12th the mass is gone. My God loves me and He is able to do that. I would love to tell you that my faith and prayers, made that mass go away. What I can tell you now is that I have peace. I didn't at first, I cried and felt really scared and emotional. The mass in my breast is in the same place as my mothers was. Freaky.
BUT GOD whose arm is not to short to save. He is my rock and I am standing firm. I believe and it is good to be a believer.  Times like this is when I really thank God that I am.

and just in case you haven't done it lately go get your mammogram or whatever screening you choose, because life is sweet it really is.

5 comments:

Michelle said...

Wonderful words on this Sunday Karen. Wishing you a great week ahead.

Kathy said...

I admire your attitude. As always, across the miles, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Chris H said...

I will cross EVERYTHING that you have NOT got a thing to worry about. {{{HUGS}}}

Kat said...

You are so strong and wise. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted, my dear!

alfred said...
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