Thursday, June 30, 2011
I'm fortunate to be able to do it! I have had some kind of weird thing with being dizzy and nauseated for a couple of weeks. I always think of Meniere's first but then the Hunny and my daughter felt off too. Maybe there is a virus running around? When I worked in the hospital I always heard about what was floating around in the masses but now I am out of the loop.
My arm is recovering. The little improvements feel like major milestones. Using my arm and hand to work in the kitchen is just amazing. I still have to be in control of my life, I couldn't punch a time clock.
However! The progress is more than I ever hoped for. I can wash my hair with two hands and shave my legs with both. Isn't that tricky? Might sound boring to some but if you knew what I've been through, this is a big deal. When you are right handed and can't use your right hand or arm at all; washing your hair is the Olympic gold medal.
The world is full of projects, most of them in my head. Moving forward everyday and giving thanks for what gets done is the lesson in this valley. If I have learned anything through this it is to SEE.
I feel like an Avatar saying , "I see you." Stopping to see, slowing down enough to really look at life is the gift in this. My life is so slow I would drive a techie completely insane in less than 5 minutes.
No cell phone
Today is all I have. It's all any of us have. Each day we manage and have our needs met. Each day we are full, I still haven't lost weight. Food arrives at the house. Jobs happen just in time. The sun shines and the grass grows. The birds sing and I listen. The wind brushes by and I look at where it comes from, which way it's blowing and enjoy the wind chimes as it passes by.
I think one of the devils biggest tricks is to keep people so busy they can't think. When you are running all the time you feel harassed and out of control. It's easy to yell at the people you love the most because you feel wound up in knots. It's a drag. My favorite motto has always been, "I either have time and no money, or money and no time." It's been true in my life. I don't think people have to quit work to slow down but we can take an inventory of our calendars and life styles asking if such and such is really worth it. I'm finding out how to make a lot happen with a little.
When I was a teenager we had a dial telephone. There was no such thing as an answering machine or call waiting. If you were on the phone and someone tried to call, they got a busy signal. I used to get in trouble for that. Tying up my mom's phone for an hour blabbing about nothing to another teenage friend.
We had 5 channels on the TV set, and plenty of shows to watch. How much more do you need when Star Trek came on and the Man From UNCLE. There were funny shows and lots of movies. I never felt deprived.
I do feel deprived if my husband and I are driving some where and right in the middle of a great conversation he answers his cell phone. Car trips are for conversations. Cell phones are causing everything from possibly brain cancer to bees dying out. I am happy not to own one.
Cell phones are cool with all the apps and stuff but they cost you more than money. They cost you time and make you multi task. More immediate answers, immediate action, hurry hurry hurry----rats race. A fast pace makes life fly by in a blurr, it's hard to see.
These are just thoughts, ideas that I can reflect on because my life as it was has ceased to exist. This is a new life. Each day unfolds based on how I am physically and what there is to do. My biggest fears have never materialized. I am learning to trust God. To really trust God. When self reliance goes out the back door there is nothing else. Hope is replacing worry. Trust is replacing self. Gratitude is replacing want.
And I know I am just at the very beginning of discovering what life is really about.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Tomorrow is blueberry jam day. Most of them went into bags in the freezer but we need some good home made jam.
After researching dill pickle recipes I decided to try Mrs.Wage's dill mix. It seems people like it very much and I'm tired of making dill pickles that don't taste good.
Speaking of good.
Roman has been a good boy. He is getting smart now. He gets to lay on my bed and there is almost room for me, but not much. He likes it like that. This morning he was sprawled on his back with his hiney on my end so that I could massage his back foot. He loves a good foot rub, just lays flatter and flatter until he resembles a poodle pancake extra large.
The new roof is very good. The fixed chimney is very good. Keeping the paint the same is very good.
If HGTV showed up to do a curb appeal redo that would be very good. All our trees and trellises completely block the house from view which may be good, or not.
I have more good days than bad, and that is very very good, OR as we say back here vera vera.
I lost my accent or most of it in one week back in California. Amazing.
It has returned quickly.
Her name is Molly and she is the reigning Queen supreme of the house, approximately 35 pounds of personality plus. Did I mention she is cute? OK just so I don't forget that part.
Salsa and chips anyone?
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I was thinking on the large grandiose scale of my house, my furniture and stuff. I almost don't care what happens to any of this stuff anymore. I certainly can't take it with me into a 6 foot hole in the ground.
Isn't that just like God to show you what you do hang onto? He knows what object holds my affection.
My camera..."thou shall not have any other gods before me".
It's not about having, it's about having a love that is before God.
He just wants first place.
That's the challenge because WE want to be in first place.
The "I am always on my mind," thing.
After frantically searching every single spot I have ever placed my camera I decided to take a deep breath and let go. Only two things can happen, I will find it or it is lost.
In the scope of all that is going on in this world today that is a very small problem.
The droughts, the heat, the fires, the floods, to name a few.
I am safe
I am not
I am blessed.
God is our provider
a present help.
Each and every need.
Fresh food given to us.
Knowledge to become even more frugal.
The home made house hold cleaners are AMAZING!
Are you interested ?
Want to make some?
What gives you contentment?
One definition of content is,
happy enough with what one has or is; not desiring something more or different; satisfied.
Am I happy with what I am and what I have?
Am I in a thankful grateful state of mind not desiring something more OR DIFFERENT?
To be able to just be. To give thanks for what is. To have a restful peaceful trust that GOD is in control and because that is true; I CAN RELAX.
Wowzas, this is tough. It is tough because my mind is always on the go. I am always thinking about what can be different. I have been thinking about the front yard it's too overgrown, our house is invisible. Our shutters are dated...blah blah blah...different different different.
When something happens to make things "better," I notice for a couple of days and then just like a toy soldier wound up with a super energizer bunny battery, I'm marching on.
Is anybody else wired like that?
The people I most admire are always off the grid. They are farmers or live in rural areas. They are connected to the land, connected to God and are keenly aware of their dependence on Him for every good thing. For rain...
Is it turning off the TV? The computer? The cell phone?
Is it possible to reach a level of satisfaction wherever you are?
It should be, so why is it so hard to do?
Can we find that rich relationship with the FATHER in a busy suburb in the city?
Do you know anyone who has?
These are real questions for me. I'm not just trying to write a post. I'm really asking.
I have never been on the frugal, non-consumer, page before.
When I go to the store it sometimes appalls me.
The quantities we have to chose from, it's gross.
We waste so much.
I have not been a good steward with my money or my time or my heart.
I am still alive and change is something that I can chose to do.
I want more of God and less of me.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
When I lived in California I had a lot of roses. They don't do so well out here. My 36 bushes have dwindled to 10.
I hope they come down to the beach soon. A trip would help them with their grief.
Time, we always need time. It's just that when grief is fresh and pain is raw it seems the clock stops, and that you will never quit hurting. When your breath exhales in deep sighs and that heavy cloud of sadness hangs and hovers over everything... how do parents ever recover from the death of their child no matter the age?
I think it is the hardest test.
We can handle our own illnesses our own losses. We can manage the loss of our parents and grandparents because it's the normal course of things. They are older than us and it is supposed to happen like that.
Having your 45 year old son collapse and die suddenly? Or finding your son gone in his bed?
Or having your 4 month old grandson die of SIDS? This list is endless, how sad. I'm sure you can add something of your own.
These trials are especially hard to navigate threw. If not for God's mercy we would perish.
I just stayed with them. Sometimes we talked and sometimes we were just quiet together.
I didn't feel like I did anything but both my Aunt and my Uncle said I was a great comfort to them.
I am glad. That is what I wanted to do.
The sudden death also gave me the vision to see that everywhere we go there is something to treasure, something to praise God for. It is so important to slow down enough to appreciate life. With all the "hurry" we can lose this very precious life we are living and not see anything at all.