For the snow bunnies

If ya'll are still cold you can send me a package of snow in about a month. From the increase in heat and humidity lately I have a feeling that the heat is fixin to crank up around here. I'm postin posies for your pleasure, and to brag on my grandgirls talents at shootin these picchas!

Packaging up Presents

Fun fun, I love to make packages and give away presents. I'm going to come up with a challenging contest next time. I think ya'll should have to write a story or sumthin. You know a rEaL contest. Kayla took a lot of cool picchas of the garden which is going crazy! Thought I would post some. Congrats again to the winners and Kelly next time I'll rig it for you and you'll win a roll of TP or a box of Preparation H, something that involves poo, maybe Boudreaus Butt Balm.

Here is Mabunny's second place prize and Kayebee's little extra, she got a package of Fine Herbs from Fresh Market. Mabunny's little package shipped today. I might get a Super Sheep DVD since I talk about it a lot for the next give away. I'll be thinking on the prize and the story topic.

We All Struggle

I was trying to think of something to write about and it just wasn't happening. I'm depressed about my job. I probably have messed up one of the best jobs I have ever had. I've also never been in this kind of a mess before and it's not fun. I never was suspended from school. The most trouble I ever was in, required writing sentences, thousands of them. They all said the same thing, " I will not talk in class". Man, you'd think it would work but it didn't. Once the teacher was putting my name on the board and I objected, "but" he said "check", I said "but", he said "check" I continued with this until I had about 6 checks and around 2000 sentences to write. I finally ShUtUp! Brain damage all kids are brain damaged.

My philosophy of people is basically shaped by two profound works, Bill Cosby's "Himself", and Ken Davis's "Super Sheep". Bill Cosby talks about his kids the way families really are with kids, and the way parents really are. It's not as funny now that his son has been killed but if you don't think about that awful detail it's very funny, because it's real.
Ken Davis on the other hand is also funny, but his funny stories are full of deeper truth. Super Sheep is actually something I have kept in my heart. I relate to being a dumb sheep. I can't claim the sheep thing as my, idea it's not. Ken's whole spiel is about being compared to sheep. He grew up around sheep and doesn't like the comparison. Sheep are dumb geeky animals. For example, he says "Ever seen anyone pick a sheep for a mascot?" He puts his arms up with fists and makes little geeky sheep feet motions and says" fleece em fleece em bah bah bah". Like I said it's a riot. We are like sheep, and we are also created in the image of God who is not like a sheep at all.
Another mystery. I identify with the stupid, can't run right, geeky animal part. The image of God part is not so easy. God doesn't mess up ever, I can't do anything right at least some days that's the way I feel. God is all knowing, I can't remember the date or the day of the stinkin week without looking at my cell phone. God forgives, I struggle with grievances, injustice, and kids making bad decisions. God never gives up, and I feel like quiting some of the time. God is faithful, I won't even start on that one. You get the idea.

My friend Kelly wrote a very thought provoking post today about parenting. It made me think. She read parenting books. I bought parenting books and didn't read them. I have one child who hasn't spoken to me in years. My one child has struggled with alcohol and drugs. She blames me for most of her problems. In some ways not speaking is a relief from the litany of blame.
Maybe I did a lousy job. I was a teenage single mom. I didn't have an abortion. I raised my kid warts and all. I made lots of mistakes but I loved her. I gave her too much, and not enough. I read her stories at night and tucked her in with kisses. I cleaned up her barf when she missed the bucket. I changed her bed when she peed in her sheets. I baked cookies. I taught her to make a tuna sandwich. I fixed pancakes that looked like Micky Mouse because she like them.
I also left her alone too much at times. I also had too many boyfriends for a season. I was a wreck in my early twenties, my mom had cancer and died. There was a lot of trauma that is called LiFe! Basically my daughter finds fault with me that I had any faults at all. For some reason that I don't understand she feels she cannot get through her day to day life and have any relationship with me. That ban has extended to her own two daughters who live with me and it grieves them. Where's the parenting book for that one? Who could offer an answer for why a child would turn on not only her mother but her own children? In her messed up thinking she is of course right.

It's not a question any person can answer. Only God knows. I am grateful to leave the whole mess with Him. As long as she is still breathing God has a plan for her. He doesn't ever quit. I know she gave him her heart so there is my glimmer of hope. It's tiny, but it's there. I have wondered if my daughter would even care if I died. I don't know. I always thought I'd be a better mom if I could do it over. Honestly I am pretty much the same. My grands however have a very close walk with God. They have experienced a lot of pain and it has created a very big place in their hearts for God to fill. They have chosen to fill it with God and not boys, sex, or rock and roll. For that I take absolutely no credit whatsoever, it is totally God. He brought them here. He settled them and gave them their church and new friends, a future and a hope. Just exactly as He promised. He kept them, His arm was not too short to save, He wasn't sleeping when I prayed and cried.
He gets the glory. He has done it. I know who I am, I am the geeky can't run right sheep, but I also know who I am with, I am with Him.

And the Winner IS!!!

Kayebee. I let Tigger pick. We didn't quite wait til 8 o'clock. We made a slip for each name and stirred it up. I told Kayebee she would probably win! She wins just about everything she enters. The Lord just blesses her like that. I am sending a second place little surprise to mabunny. Kayebee gets a special little treat from Fresh Market some Italian Provance herbies. Congrats to the winners! mabunny if you will e mail your address I'll put your lil package in the mail!

5 K

Saturday was really busy. The 5K started at 8am. Driving over there I was amazed at the damage. the roads look like a tornado was skimming along at about 10 feet off the ground. the reports said no tornado ever touched down but that is hard to believe. Humongous oak trees were pulled out by their roots and had streets completely blocked off. Lots of fencing just picked up and smashed to smithereens, trees down on top of houses. A block from my house is a gas station where the overhang came apart and smashed a car. I was a little late to the race trying to find a street I could get across and no power for the traffic lights, so it was a little nerve racking. I wondered if we would still meet. We did, nothing stops the marathoners. I walked my race as fast as my little feet could go. It was another milestone to complete. We are supposed to be ready in June for a half marathon. I signed up. I figured why not? I wouldn't have believed that I could be in a 5K either, but we just did that and it wasn't bad at all. I've lost 7pounds and have three more to go for the second set of five. I'd like to loose 5pounds twelve more times. It's just easier that way, than to say some big impossible number.
After the race I went shopping, and came home to clean house. We had a business lunch. I barbecued hamburgers and made baked beans. I make killer beans. I learned when I worked for a deli. I'll tell you how if your really want to know.
We were busy all day and it was a great day except for my back flared up again. I'm skipping yoga today. I hope that is a good decision. My back feels like it's about to completely lock up again so i thought maybe rest and ice today. The bummer is yoga won't be available until Wednesday.
Can you believe that as bad as my spelling is I can spell Wed-nes-day? I say it out in my head that way and can remember. I think my mom dropped me on my head when I was little. I fell out of the bunk bed too. Not really, but it would be nice to have an excuse.
Lu had bath and a haircut yesterday. She almost ended up spending the weekend at the vet! I kept waiting for the call to pick her up and they closed. Fortunately one of the vets was coming in to take care of their patients and he let me come and get her. Whew!
I tried to snap a few pics of her summer cut. My friend Jean at Solo Standards has a beautiful new litter of 13 puppies! She has the best dogs. If Daddy BB would go for it I would get another one, I'd like to have a pair. Lu will not stay clean she has such a love affair with mud and puddles, so I got her hair cut short. She looks good.
My friend that has cancer isn't doing well at all. I need to pray for a way to talk to her family, she really looks ready for hospice. That is always tough to bring up. No one is ever ready to hear that. She's in a lot of pain. Again I can't explain these mysteries of pain and suffering but I'm going to do whatever I can to help relieve their pain. God help me.

Easy Contest Rules

Welcome to the new folks. The contest is way easy, leave a comment on the "Let the Game Begin" post and mention Fresh Fixins on your blog. The prize is a nice box of tea, a good book, and a special little surprise. It's over on the 7th at 8pm, will draw names out of sumthin.

New Storms and Old Shakes.

Big storms! Power out and trees down, our storm sirens were going off like crazy. I now have southern nerves. This used to not affect me much. Now when windows start popping out, and houses burn down, along with hail the size of ping pong balls, well I get scared. But God,..
My beautiful girl was out in this stinkin mess and it was my fault. I called her at work and told her to hurry home. The storm hit and I tried calling back to tell her to stay put, she didn't answer the phone. Whew I just prayed, because I knew she was driving in this. She came home visibly shaken and I felt like bawling. We had a little talk about what to do in bad weather. When you see trees down and the wind is trying to blow your car off the road you take cover. Our local news said there are 50 ambulance reports so far. I'm so grateful it wasn't my girl. The Delta is expected to flood and we are under severe weather watch until after 10pm. When I first came to Mississippi I wondered why the people talked about the weather all the time. Now I know. Nothing was scary to me at first if it wasn't an earthquake.

I was in the big earthquake in 1989 in Santa Cruz California. It was the scariest experience of my life. I was in Mervyn's shopping. The quake was so strong none of us could stand. A girl in front of me was panicking, I grabbed her and shielded her head with my arms, always the nurse. It was purely instinct. The clothes racks were falling and the ceiling was coming in. It was unbelievable.

Earthquakes are short, it lasted 15 seconds, but it felt like an eternity. My first thought was to check on my best friend Lucy. She was a live in nurse aide with an old lady that we just loved she was such a character. Her home was a very cool old wooden house right on the Aptos beach cliffs, and it wasn't very sound structurally. Alice used to say the walls would fall in if the termites quit holding hands. Lucy was scared to death but they were OK, the house was still standing.

I was driving our old Travelall it was a 4 wheel drive vehicle that got about 7 miles to the gallon. I figured I could get home but I wasn't sure how. I decided to try the back way up through the country. I figured the highway would be bumper to bumper. It was a good decision, and it was a one way trip. The after shocks and liquefaction loosened the mud and trees and the roads began to have mudslides. As I travelled home the roads became impassable behind me. Talk about Divine protection. When I got home my house was a total mess but it was standing. I was overwhelmed with the amount of broken glass under my feet. My two piece kitchen hutch had flown up and turned upside down, and then wedged into the refrigerator. The good thing about that was the food did not fly out of the refrigerator. It broke my heart to see the hutch. I had just received that pretty blue and white Danish china from my Grandma. I had the serving pieces displayed and most all of them were broken. A pretty set of glasses was so demolished there wasn't even any dust left. Odd things happened, I had a set of three pottery bowls, and the two smaller bowls were completely crushed inside the largest bowl. Everything on my window sill was broken except for one little Hummel figurine that belonged to my mother. Some things were partially broken and I threw them all away. Later I was sorry. I didn't know china could be repaired. A friend of mine makes beautiful stepping stones with broken china and I could have made a gorgeous patio. I filled half a garbage can with broken china. At the time we were in so much shock we just didn't think.

That first night was so traumatic. The after shocks happened every few minutes, until I thought I might really go crazy. All the power was off. In an earthquake power lines and gas lines can break, so you can't use matches. I didn't know if the water was safe to drink. I couldn't stand being in the house it shook so badly. I stayed in the Travelall all night by myself with a flashlight and a battery operated transistor radio. My husband was on the "other side of the hill," in San Jose. Communications were knocked out between each side of the mountain. His news said he could not get over the mountain due to mudslides. My news said Highway 9 was open but he didn't know that. Cell phones were actually not in existence yet and the phone service was intermittent and lines jammed. My Grandma had called me early and I told her I was OK but the house was a wreck. My husband called Grandma, she said,"I'm so sorry about the house." My husband thought this meant that our house was in the street. He never could get threw to me. Because I could hear my radio I knew he couldn't come home. It was a long sleepless night. Every time I dozed off someone drove by and their headlights would shine in my eyes and wake me up. I would wait until I couldn't stand it anymore to use the bathroom, and then run inside quickly go and get back out. More than once the toilet shook while I was on it.

The next day when my hubby got home we just bawled. He was so glad the house was still standing and that I was alright. My nerves were totally shot. I couldn't function. I'd pick up a broom and set it down. Pick up something broken and set it down. I finally went to bed. The aftershocks lasted for over a week. The most maddening thing was the news coverage. They kept showing the same scenes over and over mostly a collapsed overpass. They called it a San Francisco quake when it happened in the Santa Cruz mountains about 10 miles from my house. They hardly mentioned all the damage we had or the horrible aftershocks we went through. It made me angry.

My honey had an elderly aunt that lived around the corner from us. She was a sweet old lady that would show up at our door with some wonderful little southern dish she had whipped up like her terrific biscuit pudding. She had a house just jammed full with stuff and she made piles. When Daddy BB got home I sent him to check on her right away, she was in her garage inside her car completely terrified. He brought her home to our house and she laid on the floor in our hallway hanging on to her flashlight for dear life. I told Daddy BB we needed to get her out of town before she had a heart attack and we put her on a Greyhound bus to her daughter in Reno. She never came back. She let her kids pack her stuff and move her, the trauma was just too much.

When we first moved to the South, I'd be doing dishes and the thought would go threw my mind; they don't have earthquakes here. It was a huge relief. When you have actually gone through a big earthquake it stays in the back of your mind all the time. A little shake can scare you pretty bad. That earthquake leveled the Cooper House a really cool old building down town and a lot of other building were totally destroyed. After something like that the weather here didn't scare me. I kept saying." at least we have warnings." I have learned, tornado's are unpredictable as to where they are going to hit, and even if they don't happen the winds from one of these storms can tear it up!

Watching the news tonight and seeing all the devastation I am full of gratitude. I have power, my family is home and safe and we are all fine. Once again the Lord has kept His hand on us. My little trip down memory lane has reminded me again of His faithfulness to keep. He has been merciful and we are safe. I am polishing the monuments of his provision, we only lost things. Our home wasn't in the street. It was a long night but only one and then we were reunited. Lucy and Alice were fine, the termites didn't quit holding hands, and Alice's little rickety beach house on the cliff didn't blow into the ocean. I even had a place to go potty. It's all a matter of perspective isn't it? What survivors we are, because of the grace of God.