A Crossroads

In one more hour I go to the doctor and find out what he has to say.

I have a lot more questions than answers.

So I spent some time in prayer today. I get slack in my prayer life. I know God loves me so I get into the habit of having these all day conversations with him, a very casual thing. Yeah, I know if you don't believe, then I am just a crazy woman that talks to herself.

Just because he is invisible right now doesn't mean that he isn't real and really alive.

I must be one of those really hard headed sheep, because it seems I never learn without some kind of affliction. I don't know what I am supposed to learn from this.

Like I said I am full of questions today.

What does it mean to live by faith?

Abraham lived by faith. When he was 80 years old God told him to pack up and leave home. He told him to get up and go somewhere that he would show to him. Abraham just did it.

God told Noah to build a big boat. Not just by the water out on dry land. He told everybody there was going to be a flood and it had never rained before. Everyone thought he was crazy, he was ridiculed every day for over a 100 years while he built that big ship. They lived a lot longer in those days. No one was laughing when the rain came.

The children of Israel walked around the city of Jericho for 7 days with the band in front, the priests and their bugles. don't you know they had a lot of questions all week long while they were being laughed at? God had them blow their horns to win a war, and the walls fell down. Surprise.

God asks his kids to look pretty stupid sometimes.

Not to embarrass us but to show the impossible, that He will do the impossible.

Well here I am, up against the Red Sea in two boots.

I am not really sure about anything. How to pay the bills, if we should even pay the bills here or simplify our situation even more. To work or not to work. There are questions about Kayla, her future, her needs.

Heather is in a far away place alone, separated from her family. Her mother has been lost to all who love her drowning in a sea of alcohol for years now. I remember when she loved Jesus, I remember when she was a good mother, I remember when she loved me. She has been lost for a long time.

So what would you give to restore one who is lost?

God gave his son Jesus for us.

I prayed today for my family. I prayed one of those, "DO whatever it takes," prayers. Actually I have heard of those with the courage to pray that, but I have never had the guts to pray that way.

I hate pain. I mean you know the WHATEVER might cost ME something. What if what it takes is something that costs me? What if to win my daughter back I have to get sick? I hate being sick.
I hope this is not confusing.

See I am bringing up questions about suffering and God's goodness. Those are questions wrapped in mystery. I KNOW God and if he did give me a dose of suffering it would be to bring about a good result. Even if I never saw it. It is just true. God's love is like a law that can't be broken or changed. That little word "all" means all when it comes to how he works things out. The good, bad, ugly, pretty, it "all" falls into the little word,"all" and it is going to be alright in the end.

Really the question this morning was what would I give to get my family all where they need to be? To restore them? To defeat the enemy in their lives? What would I give?

Like I said it's a day of questions. Two broken ankles will do that to you.

PS. I am off work for the next 6 weeks and off of income too. No work comp and no disability. (that would be a period) But YES on faith. We HAVE a big garden We HAVE a BIG God, and He is up to something.