Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Coming Back Up

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We use the Internet a lot, nothing like stating the obvious for a first sentence; but do you ever stop and think about how much free education is at our fingertips?

I am beginning to come back. I think this is my fifth day that I haven't cried. I was able to change my own clothes and dress myself today, a major huge accomplishment! A bigger challenge for me has been how deeply into depression I sunk. Somewhere along the bottom of "deep depression."  The name for it is perfect because it feels like being in the bottom of a dark well or under water, not able to come up. It's my first dance with this, to this degree and I have a new and profound compassion for those who suffer from this illness. 

I did go to the doctor and I am on anti depressants, which we recently had to double the dose on. I may not need them all my life but right now I do. My doctor was so kind he said,"your plate isn't just full it's spilling all over".  Sometimes we NEED help. Why I'm posting this is that  many people think you can just "snap out of it". There is also a shame factor or feelings of embarrassment, as if the depression alone isn't bad enough. Those feelings can keep someone who is not functioning well from getting help or even believing that life will EVER get better.

I want to share one more thing. Recently I had a phone call from a dear friend who has also suffered a great deal this year. I was having an uber bad day. I had been crying for most of it. I just bawled over the phone while she listened and then she said something that I wish could become known by the entire world.  "You just need a witness".  Sometimes we just need someone to listen to the pain and say nothing, no advice.  Just be there. That doesn't mean to leave and avoid us, actually we desperately need human touch. But real clinical depression has no bootstraps. If you know someone who is sick with this, love them, support them, and be with them. Drive them to the doctor, help them make the appointment. If you have to, help them get dressed. Reassure them that you understand that they are in pain and they can be helped.  Use this PC for some education too. Google topics that concern you and learn. I couldn't believe how much good education on depression I found. I found enough that even though I am a lot better than I was, I understand that I am still depressed. I'm going to see a psychiatrist because that is the specialist for this disorder. Just like I went to an orthopedic doctor for my bones. It isn't an issue of being crazy we all know I've always been crazy. I'm going because I still suffer from many symptoms of depression and I need help to get through this. There it is in black and white, I need help. We can't do everything by ourselves all the time.  If you've read my blog for a long time you know me pretty well and realize what a big deal this is. I'm sharing it in case your suffering. If you are then stop. You don't have to suffer alone. 

14 comments:

Farmchick said...

Just keep going one day at a time. I am very glad that you sought help.

jojo said...

great post. If one person can learn anything from the depths of depression and despair that I have gone through then it will not have been in vain at all.
I'm so happy to see you take this step...love you!

Anonymous said...

I was looking for Advise on breaking up and found this great site www.saveabreakup.com I gotta admit its great and it worked for me and helped me a lot.

Kat said...

Depression is a very real and serious thing. I am so glad to hear that you are getting help and are starting to feel better. :)
*hugs*

Flea said...

Mu Hunny struggles with depression, the milder version of bipolar (hypomania?). It's been a long twenty years together. But I believe he's alive and doing better than ever because I didn't leave him. I try to never judge his depressed state. Encourage him to talk it all out, get the burdens revolving in his head and heart out of his mouth.

He's been on antidepressants since I've known him, and they make a HUGE difference, but you're right about the witness. Having someone to listen, to tell you you're not crazy, to help with perspective and to believe in you when you CAN'T believe in yourself - it makes all the world of difference.

Anne said...

I have a blogging friend who has some wonderful posts on her journey in depression. She is very encouraging. http://phil3vs20.blogspot.com
This is my first time to your blog and I'm glad I found you. Very nice,
Blessings,

Tatersmama said...

What a great post, and thank you for sharing!
I'm so glad that you're getting the help that you need... and your friend is so right. Sometimes we just need a witness, and someone who can be there for us when the going gets rough.

I went through a major bout of depression when my daughter died (and the subsequent marriage break-up) and thankfully, it was a friend who encouraged me to get help.
NONE of us need be alone with "the black dog", so if you suffer from depression, reach out!

{{{hugs}}}

Mental P Mama said...

Beautiful post KD...so, so true. And "You just need a witness," may be the best thing I've seen all month. What a dear....

Linda@ Lime in the Coconut said...

May every day get a little bit brighter for you! Lovely, soulful post!

Kathy said...

Dearest KD, I think of you often.

Karen said...

I'm so glad you're getting help. Sometimes it's hard to admit (hello, pride) but that's generally when we need it most. You most definitely did the right thing.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Bless you for posting this!
Sending you the biggest hug I can give without hurting your body. (((HUGS)))

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

The only people who say snap out of it are the ones who have never suffered depression. Everyone else understands. Isn't it nice to have someone to talk to--the witness, so to say. And the internet, like you said to find information and to find friends through your blog.

Bluebird49 said...

I hope going to see someone will help you. I tried it--but I guess I didn't see the right one, or something.

Depression is a very dark place--I know about it too well. Pulling yourself up by bootstraps you either don't have nor can find hands to do so with--is very difficult. So thankful the antidepressants are helping you some, dear Karen.