We use the Internet a lot, nothing like stating the obvious for a first sentence; but do you ever stop and think about how much free education is at our fingertips?
I am beginning to come back. I think this is my fifth day that I haven't cried. I was able to change my own clothes and dress myself today, a major huge accomplishment! A bigger challenge for me has been how deeply into depression I sunk. Somewhere along the bottom of "deep depression." The name for it is perfect because it feels like being in the bottom of a dark well or under water, not able to come up. It's my first dance with this, to this degree and I have a new and profound compassion for those who suffer from this illness.
I did go to the doctor and I am on anti depressants, which we recently had to double the dose on. I may not need them all my life but right now I do. My doctor was so kind he said,"your plate isn't just full it's spilling all over". Sometimes we NEED help. Why I'm posting this is that many people think you can just "snap out of it". There is also a shame factor or feelings of embarrassment, as if the depression alone isn't bad enough. Those feelings can keep someone who is not functioning well from getting help or even believing that life will EVER get better.
I want to share one more thing. Recently I had a phone call from a dear friend who has also suffered a great deal this year. I was having an uber bad day. I had been crying for most of it. I just bawled over the phone while she listened and then she said something that I wish could become known by the entire world. "You just need a witness". Sometimes we just need someone to listen to the pain and say nothing, no advice. Just be there. That doesn't mean to leave and avoid us, actually we desperately need human touch. But real clinical depression has no bootstraps. If you know someone who is sick with this, love them, support them, and be with them. Drive them to the doctor, help them make the appointment. If you have to, help them get dressed. Reassure them that you understand that they are in pain and they can be helped. Use this PC for some education too. Google topics that concern you and learn. I couldn't believe how much good education on depression I found. I found enough that even though I am a lot better than I was, I understand that I am still depressed. I'm going to see a psychiatrist because that is the specialist for this disorder. Just like I went to an orthopedic doctor for my bones. It isn't an issue of being crazy we all know I've always been crazy. I'm going because I still suffer from many symptoms of depression and I need help to get through this. There it is in black and white, I need help. We can't do everything by ourselves all the time. If you've read my blog for a long time you know me pretty well and realize what a big deal this is. I'm sharing it in case your suffering. If you are then stop. You don't have to suffer alone.