Friday, October 1, 2010
What do you do when your discouraged?
So he spends a good part of his day doing this. I almost got him a new home before my surgery because I was so worried about being able to care for him. I'm glad I didn't but I do feel selfish. He needs to run at least walk. With broken ribs walking is not on my agenda.
We don't do much of anything. He gets petted a lot, and kissed and hugged.
You know it's been bad enough without pooping in the bed.
I have never had any patience with whiners. I wonder if I'm being taught a lesson because I am the biggest whiner of all these days. I am so tired of being in pain. I am so tired of getting weaker every day.
I'm tired of being broke and being the one creating piles of medical bills. I really can't find anything to brighten up my outlook. Most of the time I just don't care. I've even lost my appetite if that tells you something. I thought to myself, why am I writing this so nobody ever reads my blog again ?
Besides not caring, I thought that surely I am not alone in this valley that is more like the pit of hell.
Surely other people that are usually strong and able have had times where they have just been kicked behind the knees and are flattened. I can't be the only whiny baby on the block.
The truth is I am worn out. Starting in February with the hip surgery and then 2 months of severe respiratory illness in May thru July, surgery in August and a fall in September. I am beat. Man if I could stop it by calling Uncle I would scream it.
It doesn't help that my granddaughter threw her life away. She left all her belongings, her home her scholarship, her cat, to go live with a guy who is mentally ill and be homeless and camp on a river with other homeless people. That is her choice. Today the woman called where they were staying and asked me what to do with all of Kayla's beautiful things. I told her to keep them or give them away. I thought of how Esau despised his birthright, with a whole new understanding. We had to sacrifice a lot to provide all of what we gave and it was just abandoned without a care. My only conclusion is she is mentally ill. That lets her off the hook of being hateful.
I wish I could sue the hospital where we took her. They said she didn't meet criteria- which meant she had no insurance. I am so angry.
I sleep a lot. I take long naps every day. I have a broken body and a broken heart. So what do you do when your discouraged?