Saturday, August 23, 2008

Late Night Ramblings- Rumblings

It was a strange day in the nether regions, or the belly, the deep in the belly. Go ahead just say it, BOWEEEELLLLLS. That's whale speak, by Dori the fish. I relate to Dori, we are like mindlessly connected, in a forgetful kind of way.
I do, really digress. My belly was hoppin like a jack rabbit today. Seriously jumpin. It felt like a full term, independent minded, infant announcing his arrival.
What the heck?
I was not running down the hall leaving a wake of deadly fumes, in fact nothing was happening. It's a new deadly organism brewing the newest take over, in nosocomial nightmare theatre. The attack of the mutant fermenting gas brewers. Belly blobs. My mind went a bit berserk with this, it all started in oncology.

Oncology is the cancer ward. Our patients come for blockages, pain crises, vomiting and dehydration, infection, and weird things tumors do. Colon cancer is an evil player. Colon cancer scares me. Remember I braved the colonoscopy. I've seen to many distended abdomens full of nothing but cancer and impending death. It is not an easy way to go. The more I thought about colon cancer the more I thought about poop. Healthy boweeeeelll movements, soft bulky stool of large size and frequency. Achieving these perfect poops takes talent. You never do know what you may read here do you?

One must consider the flora and fauna of the area. What organisms need to be present to manufacture this great stuff of good health? Yes, your old time Grandma and her castor oil knew what she was talking about. Well, before I go completely off my rocker and start talking about probiotics, how about fiber? Fiber and water. Do an experiment put some fiber, bran, or even oats into a bowl and soak them in water for several hours, what's it look like? Bulky.

I have added crushed flax seed to my diet. I think maybe it's fermenting or making babies or bombs, or something big. My belly was jumping. You could see it leap. Funny at first and then; what gives? Burp, fart, poop, do something. I am going to be the first woman to give birth to a fermented seed pod that developed into...your next most scary movie.

My mind is past gone. The mystery of the leaping belly has not yet been solved but 2 gas x are on the way to do some serious kung fu fighting. Good night. Do they make medication for these kinds of thoughts?

11 comments:

noble pig said...

Hey, sounds like a fun day! Yep, the flax will do it every time...why does fiber have to be so violent?

Laura ~Peach~ said...

benefiber is so nice... it did have some regular gas though after some time of taking it... have not taken any in over a year though...
hope you get some rest and relief :D
hugs Laura

Chris H said...

*chuckling* my mind boggles!!! Jumping belly indeed! I hope you 'go' soon or explode! lol
My blood sugar? Dunno, last check I was back to 'normal'... this is good!

Debbie in CA : ) said...

You know I would like to leave a witty or pertinent comment, BUT ... I have no response! Yikes! I'm rethinkin' notions about the title Fresh Fixins! Girlfriend, you make me laugh (and gag)! I've gotta go ... um, no not that kind. ICKY!!!

p.s.
Hope you feel "different" soon.

p.p.s.
Tell Daddy BB or Miss H to take your computer away next time you add something new to your diet. ; )

Flea said...

You are so funny. My doctor just told me I need a colonoscopy and I'm dreading it. I'm tempted to say no, but I know I'd hear it big time. Thanks for the affirmation. :)

LadiesoftheHouse said...

This is why I always have Colon Care in my cupboard! It's easy--one Tablespoon in a big glass of juice followed by a big glass of water everyday. Voila! All the fiber that's missing from the typical American diet-- things just move through and it cleans out the gunk from the sides of the colon that shouldn't be there.

Heidi said...

I turned your name on purpose!! LOL... to see if you were awake! Actually I had them all written down, but it obviously did not work - stinkin bad eyesight.... LOL

Mabunny said...

LOl. Ok. Haven't visited WWoW yet, but this was a good start to icky monday posts:))
But I do know what you mean - I have IBS, and I NEVER know whats brewing in there, when it rumbles and grumbles, pain or no pain.
Hope you get some relief soon though. GasX is a wonderful invention!

Susiewearsthepants said...

That's not a fun way to start the week. Hope things are simmering down today!

Susiewearsthepants said...

BTW-loved your comment about air brushing pictures..too funny!

Angela said...

I have lived with colitis for most of my life. First witnessing my mother almost dying from this disease, (had her last rites three times), watched my brother who is 6ft. 3, walking around looking like a skelton, and than myself, when I was 7 months pregnant with my first born. bowel movements,,this was a good post. My mother has a colostmy bag (sp?,lol remember, no spell check), my brother has one inserted inside of him, I on the other hand smoke cigarettes that keeps me in remission from the disease getting full blow, but the chances of getting cancer, sigh. I haven't gone for a colonscy (sp?)..the dr. only checked me with a 12 inch q tip..