Monday, March 21, 2011

Cultivating.

 The daughter took this. I wanted to delete it. I'd like to delete the whole senior citizen droopy bewbs and flabby everything. She said it caught me in my element. She said,"Just go with it mom."
 The green are the perennials the dead stuff is WEEDS. WEEDS that need to be removed.
 Today is the official first day of spring. I turned on the AC a week ago. We are in the eighties already.My prayer of not getting too hot before June is being answered with a "NO." It is only 42% humidity though. March is a gorgeous month. I hope April will be like this too. The forecast for the whole week is sunshine and 80's.
 This is what I have been working on. This old dog   woman can learn new tricks. This is a 3 day effort so far. My left hand has become quite adept. I use it so often that I am truly ambidextrous now.
 I love dirt. I fell in love with mud pies when I was little. Playing in the dirt. Squishing it up. Smelling that wonderful fragrance. Tasting it a little. I don't eat it anymore. I do inhale deeply. I do squish it and break it up and do what no machine can do.
 I work it and play in it until it's like potting soil 4 to 6 inches deep. I use a weeding stick tool and my hands. Hands can crumble up big hard clods better than anything. It's a love relationship I have with dirt.
 This is self control. I am not finished yet. This back area has a small patch of weeds and this dirt needs to be worked. BUT I am tired. My muscles have had enough. I used to do this entire bed in one day. Now it will take a week. It will take a week to do the other side. I'll finish this tomorrow and not push it. Even though it's just a little bit. When it's time to stop, STOP. Giving thanks for what is done.
 I am going to be spreading this out and having a lot more ajuga.  I have decided you can't have enough of this in flower beds. It spreads so thickly that only the hardiest occasional grass can poke  through.
 It's just that it could take me all through the summer and into the HEAT just to get the weeding done.
I want to fill this up with flowers you know I do. Just like always. I have always loved annuals and perennials mixed together. It took me YEARS of study, pouring over magazines to learn how to build beds that would last all year.  I have to adapt, and use what is here already. I'm going to need to have more care free areas. I have built so many large flower beds here.  I could use a nice crew of men to help out. For now it's me and the Hunny. He loosens the dirt for me so I can get into it. We have a system.
 The trees are pinking. I notice while I am playing in the dirt. Sitting down and looking around is such a good thing to do.
 The roses are getting happy.
 I have one tulip. Maybe this hardy fella will reproduce. I don't know why it's so hard to have tulips make it. I kept some in a container out of the ground for winter and then planted them and still got just one. POOT.
 Ach, more weeds. I'm very late getting this out of here. There are a lot of strawberry plants and other lovely wanted plants under this mess. I just have to do it as I can. The MIRACLE is that I am out here at all!!!
 I love this. I do not give a rats a** that they are from the dollar store. They require no water no effort and they look pretty. I am officially a senior citizen. I remember my genuine appall at old ladies who did this nonsense. I also wear strange get ups of clothing around my house, no longer bound by having to look cute, hip, fit, or any other current trend.  I have found freedom. I have found the freedom to just live. We all have enough. We don't need more. We don't need what the magic marketers tell us through every sense we have, every minute of the day, to go out and buy. We need to consume peace. To inhale it, to be grateful. Empty we can be filled. I have nothing, and I have everything. It is a mystery.

 We need peace. We need a place to rest, to put up our feet and enjoy the earth. We have spring.
 Some things only bloom once. They just come for a short burst of pleasure. something to look forward too. A brief moment of bliss.  Masses of tiny yellow roses.
 Sitting in that lounge chair in the sun, getting my vitamin D from the real thing, I can marvel how quickly the sun and the rain transform this. This Ireland green, from dead winter. Could God transform me that quickly? How do I slow it down? I want my winter to become spring. I believe it is. Spending my day searching for gifts to be thankful for is already changing me.
 Taking the time to "freeze frame" a beautiful moment. Listening to these chimes as they dangle gently in the breeze. Making melody to the soul. Enjoying the moment and giving thanks.

 It's so different than wanting more wind chimes. Wanting a bird bath, wanting more plants blah blah blah. Did you feel that?
Wanting ruins the peace. Too soon old too late smart.
 Worry can ruin the peace too. I am over worrying about taking care of him. I just enjoy him now. He makes me laugh this giant doofuss.
 I adore him. I am in love. He is mine and I am in love with my dog. It's blissful. What is this bond that animals fill? It is intrinsic to being at home and in the yard. My buddy, the one who makes a mess and poops everywhere. He brings me joy. It's a mystery how a big poop machine can make love happen so prolifically.
 I love vinca. It's invasive but beautiful. It could take over the yard and I wouldn't care.
 Everything about it is so appealing. The flower , the leaves. The ease with which it grows. The beauty of it spreading like a floral carpet, dense and lush. Yep I am in love with this too.
 He's a little blurry, I am misty eyed with love. Cultivating gratitude in my heart makes love spill out everywhere on everything. I am a mess. Mushy misty mooning over this dog and the vinca and the wind chimes and the Ireland green.
 Filled full of satisfaction, all by changing what I think about.
 When I play in the dirt this doesn't happen. So what? The beds not made. But what a great nest. See the books and the little TV? Isn't it grand? Those sheets are soft, the blanket is soft. I have a bed. I have sheets. I have books. I have so much. So many blessings.  The lack of money is not an issue. Money is not an issue. Am I going to chose faith or fear?
Do you know what I see looking at this unmade bed?

It is empty. I am no longer bound to it.

A few months ago I could not get out of it. It seems like an eternity ago, a different life altogether. Lying there in a fetal position in the dark, writhing in overwhelming pain. The bed was wet with tears. Now it is a place of true rest. More joy.
 It took me one day to clean this room and make these beds. With my physical limits I have to pace or just die.  The difference is, that now I am practicing gratitude for what I do get to do! Some days I may spend the whole day in that other lived in bed. That's OK, I have to listen to the body. I have to live in this body for now, and accommodate it.
 That doesn't mean I can't make plans. My husband gave me these shirts. They are just too big for him. I am dreaming of what I can do with them.
 I bought this from Suzanne over at http://athomewiththefarmerswife.blogspot.com/search/label/Sewing?updated-max=2008-07-03T02%3A00%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=20 She has a tutorial on her blog of how to make these beautiful aprons from men's shirts. I am going to give it a whirl.
A girl has to spend time doing more than playing in the dirt. Making things is fun too. I have a gift of 5 beautiful shirts. I can make aprons! I can make doll clothes. So much fun to have. My little four year old granddaughter in California loves to play with dolls. Her birthday is in June. I hope I have a cute little doll wardrobe ready for her by then. I better get away from this keyboard and get started with the day.
My spirit is ready now. Now that I have shared the joy.

Celebrate God all day every day. I mean revel in Him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that your on their side, working with them not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive! He could show up any minute!
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. 
from "The Message", by Eugene Peterson.


We can learn to be content in any circumstance. Isn't that what we all desire?



http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/how-christians-create-art-she-speaks-scholarship/

13 comments:

jojo said...

such a beautiful post today...seeing gratitude in every little thing is such a blessing. Thank you for reminding me that even though I have limits I am not without nor am I less. You are such an inspiration K. love you..;j

Jeanie said...

I am so glad to read that you are finding so much peace and beauty and joy in the midst of all that you have been dealing with.

Christi L. said...

Note to self, get some Ajuga and Vinca. Wish I could come play in the dirt with you. As always, LOVE your yard pics.

We did get 15 trees, 4 roses, blackberry and a 4x12 garden in this spring. Now to find some clearanced bulbs to fill up my beds!

Mental P Mama said...

What a transformation in here! Everywhere! Hugs to you and your amazing attitude! It snowed here today. sigh

Chris H said...

Seriously..you play in the dirt?
I can't stand dry dirt on my hands... I only work in the garden if I have a bucket of water by me to wash my hands all the time! I'm weird, I know.

I love pottery clay though.... I used to be a potter. Used to be... can't afford to do it any more. Sad.

Love all ya photos, Roman is gorgeous...so ARE YOU.

Debbie Jean said...

So nice to see all the spring in your blog and in your mood. Spring is a welcome change for us all. We do not have all the blooming here yet, but it's trying. Only highs in the 40's here the rest of the week :( But no snow!!
Thanks for stopping by my blog. Please come back again!!!

God Bless~
Debbie Jean

Rosie_Kate said...

Lovely. So glad you're feeling so blessed.

I'm dreaming of 80's and sunshine... sounds like perfect weather to me.

Kat said...

What a happy, lovely, hopeful post! :)

When you talk about how quickly God can transform (and how quickly your yard transformed to green, lush) I think of you. What a transformation. In the depths of depression and now sounding so hopeful. Being so frozen in pain and now out in your yard doing what you love. So wonderful. :)

I am so happy for you. I am so glad you are enjoying.

Your yard is just beautiful. The blooms are gorgeous! I can't wait to see some greenery around here. :)

Grandma J said...

Spring has definitely sprung, and your gardens are looking good. I'm with your daughter, just go with it.

Anonymous said...

I just love you so much! Grateful that you are my dearest friend. Kitter

Debbie in CA : ) said...

Simply delighted to read about you playing in the dirt. Just keep wrapping yourself in that cocoon of bliss and celebrating the gifts.

XO ~~ Debbie

Life In a Little House said...

Everything looks wonderful so glad you had the strength to get out in that sunshine....The dollar store flowers look wonderful lol!! I should do that hehehe. That would be one way to keep plants alive here in the desert. I hope this little note finds you having a great week thanks for sharing that link for the craft I am going to check it out ~Love Heather

Bluebird49 said...

Honey--I do believe you're the most inspiring woman I "know". I want to get in touch--but I'm being pulled in about 30 ways---so just know--I appeciate EVERYTHING you've done . WHen I can actually type more--I'll let you know more. Mama was sent back to our local hospital last night--becausde of the pneumonia. Her doctor was appalled she'd been released from the surgical until. So he made the decision to put her in the hospital where she could get bloodwork, IV fluid and more antibioticsl, respiratory therapy, etc for awhile to uild her up. We're having someone stay with her all the time so I can go and visit and rest at home.

Our sweet wonderful son is helping Ed and I pay for that. He loves Mama so much, and God really blesse us with such a big hearted man he's become. I'll write to you when my fingers acctually will type without so many mistakes to correct!
You word verificatuib was mislati--I am Miss Late-y. See-perfect.