Thursday, March 17, 2011
A friend sent me this. WOW. Talk about overcoming obstacles.
I couldn't sleep much last night. Maybe it's because I have been feeling good for about two weeks. My pain is really manageable. Which has me wondering what is next in my life? If I was done then God would take me out of this world. He obviously has not chosen to do that, so what am I here for?
I have always been a nurse. Even as a child I was one of those little girls who helped other people.
But that door is closed. In fact working a "job" is closed. Some type of entrepreneurial spirit is required, along with a whole lot of grace. I don't like sales. I'd rather give than collect. I think this whole lesson has to do with being self reliant versus trusting. I prefer self-reliance. That is impossible. Not only can I not work and make my very comfortable salary; I'm embarrassed to confess that I stupidly lost my retirement. It is trust God or nothing.
I am StRuGgLiNg with that. Really. HARD!
Compassion International sent me an e mail to work a table at a Mercy Me concert here in April.
It's for 4 hours. I said yes. It will be good to see how I do with a 4 hour commitment and also help some children find sponsors. It amazes me that everyone in this country doesn't sponsor one child. We could stop the plight of starvation and despair, WORLDWIDE, for about one trip to a local inexpensive restaurant.
It's just a matter of priorities. The other day as I was putting Ponds cream on my face and shaving with one dollar razors from the dollar store. I was missing my more luxurious purchases of the past. My daughter had told me that one of our favorite skin care lines only cost $34 a month.
The first thought I had was that is the price to save a child. Nice cream? Save child? No brainer.
Besides every old lady I ever met with great skin used Ponds. It's not so bad. It could be worse. I could have no cream at all. I could be a survivor of a horrible disaster, homeless, in fear of being nuked. Thankful now for Ponds.
That is how I have to talk to myself. My ugly self is a spoiled princess that wants the best of everything and gets pouty and nasty to be on this strict cheap budget. I hate it. I want a job. I could get really angry to have all these physical issues. Then I see this beautiful undefeated woman. If she can have this beautiful spirit of undefeat and gratitude I can too. Even if I have to fight for it, because it doesn't come naturally to me. Even if I have to wait awhile for God to speak. Somewhere at sometime I prayed for patience...be careful what you wish for.
I finished reading my book, "One Thousand Gifts." It is phenomenal, life changing, beautiful and it includes the grit and pain of real life. I loved it. I wanted to flip right back to the beginning and start over again. I'm keeping a list of my own now. I want to be transformed by being thankful. Being specific has power where being general does not. I am thankful to sit in the warm sun and pet the pooch. I am thankful for improvement in my arm. The smile of my granddaughter. The feel of soft well worn sheets that smell good. Warm water from the shower. Good coffee in my favorite mug. A wealth of good people and inspiration at my fingertips....God is grace.
I love this woman's story. I love how the Lord revealed to her that she would use her hands. Her spirit is pure Texas. You just can't keep a Texan down, I know my Mama was one. I want this spirit to flow through me. My prayer is Lord, what do you have for me to do? Please don't make me wait a long time.
I love to work. There is that patience challenge again. It's going to be a long day.