Can't Sleep

There are a couple of new blogs on my blogroll. One is "Keep Believing". It is the story of a young family whose husband/Daddy is dying of brain cancer. This brave young mother is chronicling her families story and her feelings during this process. Angie also has listed ways to help. Her husband has recently taken a hard turn for the worse and they are dealing with a lot. If you would take a moment to visit her, leave an encouraging word or offer up a prayer for her and her two young sons.

I also went forward tonight at church, which is a term that explains what we do when we feel God asking something of us. It is an act of obedience to a summons on our heart. I believe God is calling me into full time ministry. In a way I already am in full time ministry but there is more. I don't know where or when or how, just that there is more.

What's Your Story?

A Philosophizing Morning

Philosophizing, that is not a word but it works doesn't it? We woke up to gray skies and cold weather after it getting so warm that I almost took the blankets off the bed. I know better now. I have lived here long enough to remember that when it's hot just kick the covers off, don't pack them up till the end of March. It takes an adult learner in my age group 5 or 6 repetitions at least to learn something new. I can remember, when I could learn much faster than that. Not any more.

Which are the thoughts that led me down a little rabbit trail. We have been in Mississippi for 8 years now. It has taken us that long for me to make the house a home. It has taken this long to learn my way around more than my immediate neighborhood, and develop some sense of direction for where I am going. It has taken this long to establish good friendships with people we really care about. During this time we have also aged more. My husband is in his early seventies. I am in the throes of menopause where mental clarity and sleep deprivation are big issues. We are maybe not as adaptable to change as we once were. I can't see being able to get the husband to move into a different neighborhood locally much less a huge move into a different area. So this is it. Any coping with the changes in this world are going to have to be done right here. Bloom where you are planted. It scares me. I like having an escape plan. In reality, it's probably already to late. If we didn't have the girls we could move about 30 minutes away from where we are and be in the country, but that won't work with the kids. It's too late to introduce them to the country life.

The country life led me down another rabbit trail. There are a lot of things I would do differently if I was raising kids again. I think about Heidi and the Milkman and how they are raising their boys quite often. Their children play and have fun but they also have chores. They are learning to work right now. Their ten year old son knows how to help a cow give birth. I don't know about you, but I am impressed with that. If that ten year old boy happened upon an emergency on the side of some road some where, and a woman was giving birth he could help out. He would know more what to do than most adults. I would guess that kids raised on a farm grow up not only knowing how to work, but grow up expecting to work. I can't see them wondering what kind of a career would bring them the most fulfillment in life. Really that is a lot of bunk.

Piglet wants to go to a college that costs 15,000 a year. She hasn't put forth any effort to look into scholarships or financial aide. She really doesn't have a goal in mind. I'm not seeing it happen. She works, saves, and spends money on eating out, and whatever she wants. I don't see her really thinking about how to make this college thing happen. I may be wrong but my husband and I were talking about this today. If the parents don't have a plan, the kids don't have a plan. If the parents don't raise the kids to work from the time they are very young, they don't expect to have to work. If we let them play when they are young ninety percent of the time, they don't really expect life to be different when they are grown. Both of our girls fuss about the "time for myself" that means doing what they want to do. That's the way I raised them. I let them play a lot. I wanted them to be happy. I wanted them to experience life and climb trees and make mud pies. I did and they did. They were happy children. Those things are good. But somewhere in there I should have also taught them to work, more than just making their beds and cleaning. I just didn't think about that.

If you think about schools and colleges in terms of business, they are in the business of having students. They are not in the business of producing people who work. My experience in college was that teachers advise you to continue in education. That's how they get a pay check.
I went to a local junior college for a lot of years and didn't accomplish anything. I just kept signing up for class and getting my financial aide. I went to junior college as a kid for 6 years. I'm embarrassed to tell you that. If I could do it so can other people. I wasn't trying to exploit the system. I was young and didn't know what I wanted to do. No one offered me any other suggestion than to "explore my options." When I finally got tired of that I went to cosmetology school for one year to get a trade and get a job. I became a nurse much later in life.

So what's the point? I'm not sure, because I am philosophizing this morning. I am thinking about the scary stuff in government. I am thinking that the world as I know it, is going to change and never be the same. I am thinking about these girls and am not so sure they are ready to do make it. I wish I lived on a farm and had taught my girls to pitch hay, ride horses, and marry farmers.
My girls will make good wives and mothers. That is truly what I prepared them for.

What about you? Are these times causing you to reflect about your life? Are you uncertain about the direction of this country? Can your family ride out a depression if/when we go broke? Do you know how to survive without all the modern conveniences? Does borrowing a trillion dollars from foreign countries make you feel vulnerable and exposed? What do you think?

On a lighter note...

A friend of mine Angela says what she thinks, and apparently she thinks a lot of me, enough to give me a special friend award with these words.

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”!

Wow Happy Valentines Day. If you would like this award feel free to pick it up and give it away. It's a great day to share some love.

My 8+ choices include but in no way are limited to these. I don't like picking up a non specific reward, it's embarrassing to me, but if you want it you can take it! You have to put those lovely complimentary words in your post for others.
1. Kris.
2. Flea
3. Karen
4. Elyssa
5. Heidi.
6. grandma j.
7. CBW.
8. Rosie Kate
9. Jeri
10. PEACH and MJ.
11. and you, yes you.

What Do You Think?

We Need A Leader Like This!


Prime Minister John Howard - Australia

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote: 'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.'

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.'

'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!'

'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'

'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.'


With what is happening in Washington right now, some of might want to start thinking about where we could go.
Australia might be a good choice. I wonder how they feel about Americans? I wonder tonight what are you thinking about this huge spending plan that no one has read? Is anybody else feeling anxiety? I mean Nancy Palosi is really excited, really really excited; that in of itself is a terrifying event for most of mainstream regular Americans. If our taxes double or triple how many of us will be able to live as we are right now?

Hakuna Matatta

All we hear about lately is the hurting economy. Are you hurting? I mean aside from the gas prices which went up long enough to drive everything else up and then went back down. Aside from the high prices at the grocery store, $1.29 for a single cucumber? But hurting?

At our house we are developing strategies. We are turning off the dish March 1st, and NOT replacing it. We are considering dropping the land line, and changing internet providers to whatever is the cheapest. My new idea of shopping for fun is to the Goodwill and the Goodwill alone. I quit Marshall's, T.J. Max and believe it or not Walmart. My life didn't end either, zowie who would've thunk it?

Another strategy on my part is to make a list and send the husband to the store. The husband is not an impulse buyer. The husband's big extra to add to the list is something like a box of plain Cheerios. It is definitely cost effective to send the husband. Usually in every marriage there is a spender and a saver. It's good to send the saver to the store. I have been taking a very small allowance from these savings to have fun with the thrifting. To contribute back to the thrift stores I've been cleaning out the closets and dropping off donations. So we have a revolving door of stuff. I'm getting much pickier about my thrift store finds which is a good thing, there is only so much room in this house.

A healthy strategy of change I implemented is a bit of a confession. Being a nurse I tend to not only pass out drugs but easily fall into the habit of taking them. They are my prescriptions and perfectly legal but if you add up all the co-pays they are a lot of money every month. Medications really are not good for a person. Yeah, I can't sleep well. Most menopausal women can't but, there are herbs, exercise , and classical music. It's not as easy as pill popping but it's better. So I quit drugs. All I have left are my hormone patches which are essential and some muscle relaxers which are for emergency. When I'm hurting they help a lot and make me sleep. I had quite the pill purge party flushing all those years of accumulated meds, down the toilet. You know how it is, you go to the dentist he gives you 10 pain pills you use 2 and save the rest. All down the toilet. It was wonderful really. I bought some vitamins and some St. Johns Wart. Yeah, now we are talking healthy and cheap. I found some CD's of pretty classical music for a very cheap price and now I relax before trying to go to sleep. What an old fashioned idea, amazingly effective.

The good in all this is that my husband and I have become very united in our thinking and direction. We are both looking for ways to save. We are both trimming in areas we never would sacrifice before. He gave up TV and I gave up drugs and shopping. We are buying food when we need it. We go a bit more often and don't stock up on a lot of things. It's working. We are taking that snowball of spending and turning it around the other way. So actually the economy might be hurting but we are growing more solidly together. These times are actually bringing about positive change in my family. I am beginning to really understand why the people I have known who went through the depression wouldn't waste things. I am becoming much more conscious of waste, and avoiding it.

There is lot more coming at us, socialized medicine, higher taxes, more government, a lot of worrisome changes; BUT we as a family, and as a couple are going to continue to grow through adversity. We are coming together. We are making good changes. I bet you are too. So when we stop and think about all of this and the hype of media; we can take a big breath in, let it out and say with real conviction, there is nothing to really worry about. We are going to be fine. The worst case scenario is we go live in a little cabin in the country, raise a garden and live off the land. Which is something I've always dreamed of doing anyway.

10 Juicy Honest Things

The Good Flea awarded me this in the beginning of February. Another month is flying by,..and I am trying to catch up with all the things that need doing. You know how it is. So this award is one of those you must do such and such to have it. Since it was the FLEA who gave it to me I just have to play along. The must do's are to tell you ten things you don't already know. This is a tough challenge. I mean what isn't here already? Poo story on the back of the bus in Colombia. Dog stories to bawl your eyes out over. Favorite eats to drool over and assorted stories of family etc,.. so um let's see 10 juicy things.

1. I have not always been a Christian. I was raised in the Lutheran church and would not have called myself an unbeliever, atheist , or agnostic, or any other such term; but I had not known a life changing experience with God until I was 30 years old.

2. For a smart girl I can be dumb. I am the one who stands there saying, "What just happened, who did? when? where was I?" Yeah, it's true, totally pathetic, and pitiful, really. I know it's sad.

3. I have two brothers only one is living. I never had a sister so I adopt my best friends. Lucy is as close as a sister could be and just as bossy, maybe bossier. Debbie is pretty close too and we kinda look alike, especially when I was younger. When my mom called to tell me that her baby was another brother I started crying and said, "I don't believe you." Then when I saw him I fell madly in love.

4. I never liked poodles. I made fun of them along with everybody else. I love dogs and had such bad asthma we couldn't have any pets. A friend told me about standard poodles, and then another friend had a litter and that's how my best friend came into my life. He was amazing even as a puppy. They are beautiful you know, they look like poetry in motion.

5. I loved rock and roll. I wore white pants to a Day on the Green rock concert and didn't get dirty. I danced for the whole concert. I went to a lot of those. One of the very best was Loggins and Messina. Yes, I was wild and stupid, I did have a lot of fun in a miserable kind of way.

6. I paid $200 for my first vehicle a 1953 Chevy pickup truck, and it was totally stinkin cool.

7. I have been backpacking in Yosemite National Park.

8. I never learned to ride a horse but would've run off with Sam Elliot if the opportunity would have presented itself.

9. I like to clean house, decorate, and I love the smell of soap. How boring, how OCD, how whatever....it is true, even if it's not juicy.

10. When I did meet Jesus at 30 years of age, He changed me forever. I have never been so excited about anyone in all my life. I will never forget the peace that flooded over me in waves as I played Amazing Grace by Judy Collins over and over again on a record player. I had a load of guilt to lay down, and it left me. Jesus said he came for the sick, and that those who are forgiven much, love much. It's true, He did, I was, and I do, until the day I die and see him face to face. What a day that will be.

Now, I get the fun and pleasure of spreading this little goody around and finding ten things out about you. You know you want to tell.

1. Kathy,... come on tell more about the cowboy.
2. Heidi,..just because this award just suits you, you should have it.
3. Kelly,...Coffee Bean will have to dig really deep for 10 new things.
4. Angela...no videos you have to write about it!
5. Farmchick...because your cool.
6. Karen... just because, and you could probably tell 10 things about Micah you have so much to write about.
7. Jeri..because you need something positive so much has gone wrong, and you have a shining sense of humour under adversity.
8. Cathy at Noble Pig because she never plays these and maybe she will.

PS. The first 3 12 hour shifts are done. I was nearly dead myself I was so tired. But I am determined to learn this. To many doors are closed without this training and my preceptor is absolutely wonderful. We are the same age. She is an excellent nurse and is very positive and reassuring. I am going to learn a lot if it doesn't kill me. Do hard things, right? This week is all critical care classes. Hope my brain works.

News Flash- Catching Up in Bloggy Land.

Between learning a new job, and other interesting life changes; I have been nesting. I moved the cornice to over the couch and am just using one of them. I found this bed skirt that I am considering making valences out of this fabric for the other windows. What do you think? Is it too much? Use a solid or something else? I think it works pretty well, but I'm not sure. The valence would hang inside the white framing.







Thrifting can be a little spendy if your not careful. I have been several times since first finding this Goodwill. These are a few of my recent finds.
Perfectly clean toys that seem like they were never played with, 25 or 50 cents each. You never know when someone young might come to visit. It's nice to have some things young children and babies can play with. Who doesn't like Mr. Potato Head?

I also totally scored on all this yarn! 10cents a skein! I love to crochet but yarn has gone through the roof like everything else and this was a great find.


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I also found this picture frame for $1.00 and the same day I bought it Vine Hill Woman sent me this cool card. It's a watercolor of the coast line near Santa Cruz. Sorry about the flash, I tried to get that out. She got her lap blanket that I made for her and liked it. She's busy working on the new rug of Yosemite Falls. How incredible is that?






And finally, Pa and I cleaned out the shed and in it was a box of stuff that he brought back when he moved the girls here from Santa Cruz. I had shipped a lot of nice things to my daughter. She didn't keep any of it, so I was pleased to find my silver in this box. It's an assortment of utensils from my mother, grandmother, and the flea market. I found some disposable silver wipes that clean silver well and easily. It's been years since I polished anything and all of these were black with tarnish. It really looks nice doesn't it? The family has been told not to put anything in the dishwasher. Not that they ever listen.

The other good rescues in the box were my Grandma's cook book, diary, and a pile of handwritten recipes. I want to build a scrap book of those in plastic sheets. My Dad's baby photo book, and some old glass slides were in the box as well. I'll post some of those later. One of the slides is of my Grandma in her early twenties wearing an appropriate 20's style dress. She is seated in a beautiful garden holding a single iris flower. Her glasses a black little round rimmed granny glasses and she just looks adorable. She always wore sensible shoes but in this shot she has on really cute shoes too. I am blessed to have several really nice antique pictures of her.


Tomorrow is my first day actually in the ICU. I'm scheduled for the next 3 days, 12 hour shifts.
I've enjoyed the last few days off, this schedule is going to be so nice working 3 days a week. They are long days but having 4 days each week to just live is really nice.

Sunday a friend of mine told me she had found a litter of standard poodle puppies. She bought a black male for $200, no papers but a purebred dog. I freaked out just a little bit, DO THEY HAVE ANY MORE? They did, but Pa said no, not yet, not now. You know what I did? I stomped my foot and threw a hissy fit. No, actually I didn't. My blog might be junior high reading level but I managed this once, to act more like a grown up and less like a kid. I just said OK and dropped it, not even OK FINE.

If WE get a dog it needs to be an US decision. We need to get one together, both like him and both want him. Otherwise it just won't work. The good news was he did say that one day he would get me a dog, just not now. That is a first. It takes time to heal. We also need a gate across the back. It really isn't a good time to try and get a puppy, but lawdy it was tough, she had pictures of the whole litter and her little fella is awesome. I almost started bawling, I did cry a little.

That's about it for my news. I will do the meme for you Flea, thanks for the award. I'll have to think of 10 really good things to share, good as in interesting, that you haven't already heard!