A Change of Perspective.

Sometimes we just need to change our point of view. I have been thinking about change. I have been wondering who I will be now.

I have noticed that my life has been somewhat redundant. After all how many photos of loaves of bread can you post? How many pictures of the same yard, year after year?

But isn't it the wonder of each one, the subtle differences that happen and are never repeated? Every spring the flowers delight me. They have changed under the dark earth. Some have multiplied. There are always new surprises brought by birds and wind. Nature takes her hand and applies her paintbrush to my work. I enjoy surprises. For a long time now I use seeds because I like to be surprised by the randomness of what sprouts. If they come up too close I take my trowel and rearrange a bit but the seeds have an effect that planting 6 packs never achieve.

I posted my wish list.  My girlfriend said I was acting like a beggar. Do you think so? I was thinking that if I published my wish list then if someone wanted to do something to help me they could. I don't want to charge things and books are not needs they are wants. Most books are not part of a strict budget, but they are soul food.

I am not trying to capitalize on my situation that would be gross. I have in the past encouraged my patients to make lists of what they need or want so that when people offered to help, they could give them something real to do. Nothing can help me more than changing my attitude. Books, music and things to do, help that. There are other things to. (I found a home ultra sound machine yesterday. I am not however putting a hundred dollar item on my list). Maybe you have a copy on hand of something I want to read and send yours. Or you find it at a thrift store.  There are a lot of things that could help me. I could post, come over and weed or help me bake but your to far away. I will take it down if it is offensive. I don't want to offend ever. Tell me what you think about that please.

Someone did send a surprise. It was such a treat! Someone sent "One Thousand Gifts," by  Ann Voskamp. It turns out she is well known www.onethousandgifts.com. I had never heard of her. I saw the book cover on another blog and browsed the pages on Amazon. It seemed like the perfect message for me and it is. The book is a dare. Did you ever do that as child? Accept a dare? This dare is "to live fully right where you are".  Really?  In present pain? I have been trying to figure out how to just survive. Living fully had not even crossed my mind. Not until I read it.

Have you ever read a book that you can't imagine how to do a synopsis? It feels almost sacrilegious to try and share such a work of beauty, poetry, and the real harsh issues of life. She is no pollyanna but her way of speaking is so lyrical and whimsical almost musical; and she carries me away. Her message takes me back to what I know about my God, the simplicity of faith. That simple reliance of trusting. When we drive over a bridge of troubled water we trust the planks to hold us. Often we never even think about the structure of bridges or roads, we just drive over them without thought. But driving over a bridge is an ACT of faith. Ann's gift is to stop and notice the bridge. To stop and notice shiny soap bubbles in the sink, the things we photograph, beautiful moments. Those things that make us remember who God is and thank Him.

                                "The thanks always precedes the miracle." Ann Voskamp. 


The thanks.  Belief is a verb.

I have been challenged to give thanks for these changes in my life. It has already softened my heart and with the softening comes room for filling; room for hope. Hope comes when we trust that the arms that have brought us this far will not fail us. My circumstances have not changed. My pain is still there. RSD still has it's grip on my extremities, but it has lost the grip of fear it had on my heart. My heart has been set free. That is what Jesus said he would do for me. He made 7 I AM statements and one of them is, "I am the way the truth and the life," to set us free. Truth delivers us.  Giving thanks is active faith. What is it if I say one thing and live my life like one has no faith?  In a sense I have been looking at this bridge with the raging waters dark and terrifying and my response has been;  NO!  I cannot cross it. The storm is too much I will perish---fear and unbelief. 


My mind has changed. I now see the vision differently. My Jesus carried His crossbeam to give me everything I need to face each trial. No one ever promised that we would have no trouble. My heart cries out in remembrance of those suffering far worse than I.  When World Vision sends me a request for money to buy coats for freezing children I can never say no. Why? Because I was locked out in the cold in December 2009 for 5 hours and nearly froze to death. I felt the pain of freezing. Mine had an end and these poor people do not have relief, not unless we share. http://donate.worldvision.org My pain taught me a lesson I cannot forget.

This new trial has some purpose that I will see when I look at it again from behind.  It will change me. It will make me better, if I chose to let it. I am able now to thank God. Thank Him for whatever lessons I will learn. Thank Him for providing hope, for expanding my vision, for showing me again that His arm is not too short to save.  I can cross this bridge one step at a time. I will notice each thing I am able to do, able to see, and give thanks for it. Each time I fall asleep and am refreshed, I will give thanks for it. Each flower, each weed, each time I can wash a dish or type on these keys; I will notice and give thanks for it. My new garden will be of the heart; cultivating gratitude.

Yesterday I watched my husbands hands. I just looked at them. Twenty three years those hands have blessed me. His hands that work. His hands that build beautiful things of wood. The hands that hold me and soothe away frets and fears. The hands whose touch I know with eyes closed, the familiarity and intimacy that comes with knowing and being known. Those hands I love, knarled, spotted with aging and arthritis, and still manly, still beautiful in my sight. My heart swelled full to overflow with the joy of being in that moment. I gave thanks right then for his hands.

Today I will look and search hard to cultivate the beauty, to be thankful, to see. My quest is for joy in a grateful heart. RSD will not define me. I am a daughter of the King, a daughter of the living God. He will uphold me and shelter me. I do not need to be afraid.

Do you feel it? The inspiration that was given? What a blessing! This little gift is a life changing book, a treasure. I am so BLESSED.

Please continue to post for the give away. I am having so much fun thinking about what I will do for each of you. It may be hard to do just one! It is fun to spark excitement, to have that childlike expectation of a Christmas surprise. It makes me really feel the celebration of passing that mile marker of over 500 posts! So sign up!! All you need to do is leave a comment.

500 Posts Give AWAY!

Fresh Fixins is out of space. I have used up all my photo room. Not only that but I'm going to be blogging in a different direction. It will still be ME, but not so much baking, gardening etc. Several of my good friends have been talking about their blogs not being a specific type of blog. I call us the "Real Girls--where you never do know what your going to get." My Fresh Fixins theme. I'm going to design a new blog with a new theme. It won't be all doom and gloom about RSD either.

I have 506 posts now! That is something to celebrate. I would like to do a give away. Jeri from England can enter and Chris from Auckland because they have been here for a very long time. So if they win I'll bite the bullet on postage for them, and I would be happy to have them win. For everyone else you need to be in the USA, or Canada. I am going to do something different. I was thinking about what I wanted to give and what kept running through my mind was different things depending on who you are!! If you live in a cold climate or a warm one if you bake or take pictures or are a young mom or an older grand mom, a dog lover or a cat lover or both....ya see where this is going?

This give-a-way is going to be custom just for you! Those of you I know really well are at a distinct advantage. Truth be told if money was no object I'd send out presents to all of you. If you happen to be a newbie I may ask you some questions or just research your blog.

This will be open until Thursday March 10th. The hubs and I are going to a Bluegrass festival next weekend. I may write some more posts here but no pics and I'll be planning a new blog.
and close Fresh Fixins. I think it is an appropriate time to change.

Good luck I hope YOU win!!!!
Just leave a comment.

Moments of Spring

I am only a very amateur photographer. The light was so amazing and in a few of these I caught it a bit. Spring is coming and if you are still in ice and cold, I hope these pictures will bring the promise of your coming spring closer.

This and That Tuesday.

I can't always be a bummer around here, so we are going to have a little bit of this and a little bit of that. You know girl talk. This is a before picture of one of the rockers. There was nothing wrong with the floral cushions and I saved the covers but.....

For a little variety I made some new ones. It gave me something to do. I have had this fabric for nearly ten years. Does that qualify as a fabric nut? It's a soft velvety plushy thing, apolstery material. I had purchased it for a contrast piping in another piece of furniture that I don't even have anymore!
So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

My dog dilemma has been solved. I made a good case to find him a home. Then I started grieving and vacillating.  I did something that most Christians probably do first, but not me; I prayed about it. I specifically prayed a "fleece" prayer. A fleece prayer is a type of prayer that gideon in the Old Testament prayed.  God called him to be a valiant warrior and a leader. At the time Gideon received that call he was literally hiding out because of fear. He was astonished at his call. He argued with this amazing angel messenger and basically said, Y'all sure you got the right dude? I am a nobody, the least in my nobody family and I have no muscles, no strength, and I am sure no warrior, man.  In case you didn't notice I'm not in this threshing floor because it's harvest time, I'm scared to death! That's my very loose para phrase.

I love the OT because it's just full of idiot people just like me and a lot of their stories are hilarious. Some are sad but you know people have always been people since the beginning of time. However most people who actually saw angels fell down in a dead faint. Gideon argued with his. To verify this directive he prayed that if a sheep fleece, that he would lay outside on the ground over night would be wet in the morning, he would know that God wanted him to do this. You see what I mean? Gideon already had an angelic messenger. now he wants to play tricks with some sheep skin. God has a sense of humor so he gave Gideon his wet fleece. Now poor old Gideon was so sure that he was the WRONG guy for this job he prayed again and this time for a dry fleece. He got the dry fleece too. Gideon did accept his job. God was right and they both were amazing.

I have to say all that so you know what I mean about a fleece prayer. I was vacillating as much as Gideon about my poodle. I do believe that God loves us so much he cares about our poodles and whatever else we have going on. The person that I had contacted about Roman was the perfect home. They have money, 2 other dogs one of them a huge white standard poodle, horses and the whole 9 yards. The wife, my friends daughter is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and I don't think her husband denies her anything. So that was my prayer. Lord, if I can keep my dog and your going to provide dog food and help me with all these issues, like safety and expense; then would you please have her husband say no.

 He said No.  To top that off my husband didn't want him to leave. I took 2 days and just shaved him down and gave him a bath. He looks a little scrawny but what the heck? He'll be a lot easier to care for nekkid. Dog problem solved, he stays. I'd do a happy dance but I might break something or hurt something, so my happy dance is in my inner child....yeah that's what I'm talkin bout!

For a little decorating on a shoestring I thought I'd show you my room and show you my little trick.  See that CD player? I turn that on before I get up for music therapy. It helps me set my mind right. AS much as this defective brain can be set.

These are dark wine colored shams that don't match anything. I turned them inside out.  They STILL don't match but with the other stuff I can get away with this. I think. Feel free to tell me I'm mistaken if I have grieviously offended your eyes. If you scroll back up you can see the edges and ties of the solid color they are. When they are right side out.

This is my little sitting hang out spot. I wanted a little space in my room so I could give the kids some alone time in the living room. My daughter says my inner hippie is alive and well and just won't die. I think she's crazy. This isn't hippie. That child ain't never seen hippie!!!

I'll finish up with a little update. If your sick of hearing about RSD/CRSP then exit stage left Snagglepuss, this is your que to skeeedaaaddle.

Mental P Mama, God bless her sweet soul, sent me the info about RSDhope.ORG. I put a link on my side bar. The letter to loved ones is amazing, explaining this disease to others. But here is the deal, the good deal. I was so comforted to read that the changes I am experiencing are PHYSIOLOGICAL. I have never even heard of this until I received my own diagnosis. I was dumfounded really.  It has been liberating to read this website. The mental stuff, the depression, not being able to search and retrieve words from my data base called a brain, hello! I think it vacated it's habitat and many many other symptoms all defined clearly and laid out one by one. Most amazing was the McGill pain score. I knew I was hurting a lot. The score states that RSD is by far the most painful chronic disorder known to man. A cancer score is 24, an RSD score is 42. WOW. So I am really not a whiny butt. I just feel like I have let this thing take control of my life. Apparently everyone feels that way because the author says that you don't feel that way without cause. It does control your life. Everything I have been struggling with was addressed. So you can just imagine how much MORE I love that MPM chick. I already was sitting in her AMEN corner but now?!! Hey baby I am over in that corner slam dancing--mentally of course.

Another answer to prayer.

THEN in the mail was a letter from Dr. David Jeremiah one of my most favorite authors, and teacher. He wrote a new book "Where is God When Your World Falls Apart," dealing with ta da ta da horn blast 
present pain in your life! Excuse me seems that was my other complaint.


Another answer to prayer. 


Just a quick clarification what I am calling prayer has been a lot of whiny one liners. There hasn't been any formal bowing of the head our even an opening "heavenly Father or Dear Lord". I have been a mess and God is getting a lot of warty prayers. Since I think of "prayer" as ANY communication with God, and I mean any, then that's what He gets. A lot of the same that you get. Which is why dear Chris I say I am not "religious" either!!! We are talking relationship here.


God has gotten it threw my thick stubborn head in about 24 hours that He has not departed for another universe on spring break. He's right where He said He'd be on His throne and within ear shot of all my complaints. It's so nice to know I'm being heard. Thank God.