Thursday, June 16, 2011

Seeing California

 colors....the smell of the sea
 beauty on street corners..
 vibrant color in the sun..
 which way catches it best?
 the shapes, the green, the tips of red, just captivating...

 great kids...what a charmer
 My baby and her friend. They are just friends. If he was my just friend I think I would like him more than that. He is very cute with those eyes. They are always goofing around. They have been friends for YEARS.
 The window in this funky little breakfast joint. Signature Santa Cruz.
 I love this type of sage,
 it not only looks like velvet it feels like velvet...spectacular
 right in the middle of some funky trailer park...
 this's great isn't it?
 and this,

 so beautiful Nasturtium's and this palm tree, growing together
 arranging themselves so attractively without human hands...
 the breakfast choice- Paula's
Good deal!

 Windblown happy.
 We are hungry and happy
 he is contemplating the food while he waits,
 breakfast of champions forget cold cereal,
 Roses everywhere and they were in their big flush. Even by an IHOP there was a big rose garden.
When I lived in California I had a lot of roses. They don't do so well out here. My 36 bushes have dwindled to 10.
 If I could pick a house this one is it, walking distance to the beach and beach cottage style
 fabulous yard, love the windows the paint everything..
 Isn't this inviting? I might not have noticed it but I was walking. I wanted to knock on the door and go inside.

 A sense of humor at this shop.
 This is where I was walking too. It was COLD and grey and still beautiful.
 The things you can appreciate when they aren't your everyday experience anymore.
 A common pigeon looks so colorful, so pretty as it walks, singing it's little pigeon coo song...
 Last night I dreamed I was playing volleyball, it was more of a nightmare. I was lousy.
 Cute huh? A place to rinse the sand off your feet in universal language, done in artistic style of course. I want those tiles for my bathroom.

 It was very windy and cold. This seagull was trying to stay put and stay warm and this was how he did it,  interesting.
These birds have no fear here of humans so I got to shoot some close ups.

What used to be a pesty bird to me is now so interesting. Everything was beautiful to me. I savored the time. Attempting to capture blissful moments to share. My time here was so brief there is so much more to enjoy, but the main reason to be there was for my Aunt and Uncle. I spent most of my time with them.
I hope they come down to the beach soon. A trip would help them with their grief. 
Time, we always need time. It's just that when grief is fresh and pain is raw it seems the clock stops, and that you will never quit hurting. When your breath exhales in deep sighs and that heavy cloud of sadness hangs and hovers over everything... how do parents ever recover from the death of their child no matter the age?

 I think it is the hardest test.

We can handle our own illnesses our own losses. We can manage the loss of our parents and grandparents because it's the normal course of things. They are older than us and it is supposed to happen like that.
Having your 45 year old son collapse and die suddenly? Or finding your son gone in his bed?
Or having your 4 month old grandson die of SIDS? This list is endless, how sad. I'm sure you can add something of your own.

These trials are especially hard to navigate threw. If not for God's mercy we would perish.
I just stayed with them. Sometimes we talked and sometimes we were just quiet together.
I didn't feel like I did anything but both my Aunt and my Uncle said I was a great comfort to them.
 I am glad. That is what I wanted to do.

The sudden death also gave me the vision to see that everywhere we go there is something to treasure, something to praise God for. It is so important to slow down enough to appreciate life. With all the "hurry" we can lose this very precious life we are living and not see anything at all.


Bluebird49 said...

You look great--rested, beautiful~
How do parents recover from that loss? They don't, and well, they do in ways--they're just always different than they were before. The lows get lower and the highs don't ever get as high. Some people seem to have a better grip on things after awhile, some never are able to come to grips with that huge loss. After nearly 13 years after suddenly losing my 31-year-old daughter--I guess I'm somewhere in between.

Anonymous said...

aaaah SC where my heart is. Diggin your new hair color. You have never looked happier even though I'm sure it was sad.

joanne said...

parents who have lost a child don't survive. They just trudge along with an emptiness that never gets anything. They may look and act like they are doing fine but the emptiness is always tugging at their hearts...

Mental P Mama said...

Such a beautiful place....such a sad reason to be there. Sending light and prayers.

LDF said...

I don't think parents ever get over losing a child, regardless of their age. You just learn to carry on with an empty spot, and with enough time, the empty spot isn't quite as raw. At least that's been my personal experience. The nicest things that I recall good friends doing when my boy died 30 years ago were just normal things, nothing special in any way. There were too many people who either avoided us (cuz they didn't know what to say/do) or tried to do great grand things (that me and my surviving family didn't have the energy for). Lovely photos ... I could smell the beach!

Unknown said...

This was a very beautiful post. I love that you could go there and capture these lovely images. I am sorry for the sadness.

Unknown said...

With time, may God with his love and mercy fill the dark hole in a mothers heart with the good memories.

You are there for a good reason...for love and support. I love all your pictures of CA, and the ocean and colorful plant life. Those things we never really appreciate when we live there.


Kat said...

I love the "windblown" picture of you. You look so beautiful and happy. Peaceful. I'm glad you had such a wonderful visit. Thank you for sharing it with us.

My parents always said that you never get over loosing a child. You just learn to live with the pain, I guess. I can't imagine it.

farmlady said...

The magic of Santa Cruz and Capitola where we use to go every summer when I was young. Good memories.
You did something wonderful for your aunt and uncle. You were there. That's huge. Don't ever forget how important it is to just "be there" for people. You don't have to say the right things or have answers. You just have to hold their hands and cry with them.
Bless you sweetie.

Chris H said...

What gorgeous photos of an equally lovely area of the world.
Your bably's friend is indeed lovely looking.

As for are radiating happiness! I love how happy you are looking.