Saturday, December 10, 2011

Going Home

Sweet Adeline is getting ready to leave us. Wednesday began in the ordinary way with our usual routine of bath day. After breakfast she was accelerating into another place. I have seen this before but I always marvel how those who aren't medicated seem to see into the afterlife while they are still here. Whatever she was looking at was making her want to get up and go.

We have been so careful helping her to sit and to walk and on this day she wasn't needing any help! If I didn't have her up to the table she would have stood up and gone some where. I asked her where she was going and she said, "Somewhere else from here"!  Bless her heart she saw angels and spoke wildly all that day and all night lone until Thursday morning. Then she was just quiet and worn out and she quit eatting. Friday when I came she couldn't get up, didn't want to eat, and appeared to be actively dying.
We called the doctor and arranged for hospice to come to the house. They will provide a lot of support and they handle the details of the death so gently. It will be better with them involved. Last night I stayed with her all night in my recliner lounger, listening to her breathe and praying.

There are so many parallels to birth in death. I felt like a new mother does listening to her newborn breathe. I was listening too. Awake and ready if she became distressed or the breathing stopped. Neither happened she had a quiet night. It seems her leaving slowed down for now. Her other daughter arrives today and I think she is waiting for her.

Last night her grandson and his wife came over and after they left she woke up and her eyes returned to clear blue from the opaque cloudiness they had become. She gazed into my face and then her daughters going back and forth between us giving us both so much of her love in those sweet tender smiles. She is amazing. What a testimony to be so full of grace and trust.  She said to me," I don't understand this," and one tear rolled down the side of her cheek tearing into my heart. I told her, 'You said you want to go to Jesus, isn't that right"? She answered, "Yes". I continued, "That's what's happening your getting ready to go, and we will be right her taking care of you just like always". That settled it for her. She was reassured enough to relax and go back to sleep. A sleep of trusting.

I wonder if I will ever be able to give up control like that. I am told she was quite a controlling person in her day so there is HOPE.

There is hope today for her going home. We will miss her. We all did our share of crying as the realization of what was happening set in. But God who is able to keep us in perfecr peace is doing His job.


Kat said...

Thank you for sharing this. I know it is so personal. But everyone needs stories like this. It is such a comfort.
God bless you and God bless sweet Adeline.

Troop Coordinator said...

My niece Nan has been a hospice nurse for years and your post reminded me of stories she has told about those who are dying seeing beyond what we can see with our eyes. I know that it must be such a comfort to the family for you to be there. What a blessing for you to be able to reassure her that all is well. Hugs and prayers.

Debbie said...

What a beautiful story. It's so nice that you gave her the trust she needed to sleep. God Bless her and God Bless you for being there for her. I hope when my time comes, I will be as at peace and have someone just like you there with me.

God Bless~

Bluebird49 said...

It IS beautiful---and I'm so glad you have her and she has you. It so reminds me of the last 12 days I spent with Mama...some days--talking about going back to the nursing home to her "own room", and others, telling the doctor she wanted to "go home"--and not to the nursing home, when he asked. It was so --well you remember--very hard and painful for me to hear Mama telling me, "You have to let your Mama go, Honey.", and then hear her say, "I'm not going to die today..." Then ..slowly, slowly after 12 days of so much sharing--talks and sweetest smiles--to watch as she raised her hands toward the heavens as if preparing to take some unseen beings hand that last night, I held one and told her "I love you,m Mama!!" and she told me, quite clearly, "I love you, too, Honey." and then, her mind was clearly on something or someone else--and a few minutes later...she was gone. Never a tear, though--not from her. If there had been, I know I would have completely lost it--I did my crying away from her, and everyone else. She would look to her 3 children and smile and nod, she talked to the grand kids and great-grandkids as if it wasn't a struggle-(always thinking of someone else) on the phone til the last day, and seemed to prepare herself to leave us--hoping we would let her...Oh Karen--will I EVER stop missing her? No--I wouldn't ask her to leave Heaven for me! But the empty spot that mothers fill---I guess, like the empty place my daughter left---will always just be there, until I can be with them! Sweet Adeline understands....Bod speed!

Chris H said...

Lovely post KD.

Heather said...

So Sweet thank you so much for sharing....may we all trust Jesus in the end as we head for matter how controlling or stubborn we may seem in our more youthful years. ~Karen Deborah your tenderness and compassion is really inspirational to me may the Lord Bless You as well !! xx Praying for you all ~Love Heather

Mental P Mama said...

What a blessing have you all surrounding her like this. I hope we are all so lucky.