Going Home

Sweet Adeline is getting ready to leave us. Wednesday began in the ordinary way with our usual routine of bath day. After breakfast she was accelerating into another place. I have seen this before but I always marvel how those who aren't medicated seem to see into the afterlife while they are still here. Whatever she was looking at was making her want to get up and go.

We have been so careful helping her to sit and to walk and on this day she wasn't needing any help! If I didn't have her up to the table she would have stood up and gone some where. I asked her where she was going and she said, "Somewhere else from here"!  Bless her heart she saw angels and spoke wildly all that day and all night lone until Thursday morning. Then she was just quiet and worn out and she quit eatting. Friday when I came she couldn't get up, didn't want to eat, and appeared to be actively dying.
We called the doctor and arranged for hospice to come to the house. They will provide a lot of support and they handle the details of the death so gently. It will be better with them involved. Last night I stayed with her all night in my recliner lounger, listening to her breathe and praying.

There are so many parallels to birth in death. I felt like a new mother does listening to her newborn breathe. I was listening too. Awake and ready if she became distressed or the breathing stopped. Neither happened she had a quiet night. It seems her leaving slowed down for now. Her other daughter arrives today and I think she is waiting for her.

Last night her grandson and his wife came over and after they left she woke up and her eyes returned to clear blue from the opaque cloudiness they had become. She gazed into my face and then her daughters going back and forth between us giving us both so much of her love in those sweet tender smiles. She is amazing. What a testimony to be so full of grace and trust.  She said to me," I don't understand this," and one tear rolled down the side of her cheek tearing into my heart. I told her, 'You said you want to go to Jesus, isn't that right"? She answered, "Yes". I continued, "That's what's happening your getting ready to go, and we will be right her taking care of you just like always". That settled it for her. She was reassured enough to relax and go back to sleep. A sleep of trusting.
Impressive.

I wonder if I will ever be able to give up control like that. I am told she was quite a controlling person in her day so there is HOPE.

There is hope today for her going home. We will miss her. We all did our share of crying as the realization of what was happening set in. But God who is able to keep us in perfecr peace is doing His job.

A Monthly Blogger?

Have I really become a monthly blogger? It seems so. I'm not sure how this happened exactly. There are people out there in bloggy land that I have come to love. Your the ones who share ideas, jokes, your families and struggles. My kind of people and really I do miss you.

I'm in a period of my life where getting things done is just hard to do. It seems my lists of jobs are much longer than the days and my ability to get a job accomplished isn't what it used to be.
For months I have been working on getting rid of excess stuff. I had a garage sale and did pretty well.
I still have 6 bins of books a huge train set an extra couch and a couple bins of just stuff. I'm trying to get the honey to get rid of some of the junk up in the shed too. It almost feels impossible. I could use a crew of helpers.

On the other hand I love my little old lady to death. She is the most adorable old lady I have ever had the joy of caring for. My love for her nearly brings me to tears. She is the one that is helping me. I hope that I can become like her. She  has the best disposition she just smiles and laughs. She can't remember too much and she is very demented but she is happy. She trusts, and she's flexible with changes, incredible traits in a human being. I want to be like her. She has qualities I admire so much.
Taking care of people like this always teaches me the VALUE of each human life. Just because someone has some kind of handicap does not mean they don't have a contribution of some kind. Many of them are here to teach us to have a greater capacity for love.

It was Hitler who thought that anyone who was not young, athletic and part of his program should die. Before the Jews were sent to the camps he systematically euthanized everyone who was "defected", more than 5 million people. Did you know that some schools are refusing to teach about the holocaust? Teenagers are not learning who Adolf Hitler is. What is forgotten can be repeated!

I had no intention of writing this. It's funny how writing can take on a life of it's own. My mind went down that path because I was thinking about handicapped people. I was thinking about how they are treated. A friend of mine used to call it being treated like an eggplant. Vegetables.  That whole term repulses me. A human being is never a plant. A human being needs to be treated as such for their entire life. The problem is it takes more TIME, and it takes more ENERGY and above all else it takes LOVE. People respond to love.

I have been busy with teaching my class on Sunday morning. I think that takes a lot of my writing energy. Some weeks I am so excited with what God has given me to give to the women. I have a little group. I have to confess that I have dreamed of being a conference speaker and teaching large groups, making a change in the world, but God has given me a few. I am content and grateful for them! I love them. It is a humbling thing to try and present the KING OF KINGS to others. It is a huge responsibility and I take that very seriously. Each week it is my goal to bring them something that will enlarge their vision of who Jesus is. Each week my own vision is changed. I am the one who is being taught. God is amazing. My love for Jesus is being rekindled with a new fire in my belly. I want Him to be my first thought and my last thought. I want to know Him deeper. I want everything He has for me.  I want Him to heal my body.

My bones hurt all the time, especially my hips. Even typing on a laptop in bed is very painful. I really don't blog as much because each post is written with pain. You know how I am. I don't like to talk about it. Both of my hips are affected and I have a lot of difficulty with everything.  It's even hard to sleep. After awhile turning from side to side just doesn't work anymore and I wake up. It's usually some awful hour like 4am. Yuk. I turn on my TV and listen to encouraging messages. A good thing that has come from this is I found Joseph Prince. What a teacher!!!! I can't get enough of his teaching he is brilliant and anointed by God in a most powerful way. My heart and mind expand with every message, my faith is growing. I praise God for this. God is using the pain in my hips to create in me a deeper capacity for Him. So you see it is true that God uses ALL things for good to those he has called. Amen!

Our house is decorated for Christmas. Jennifer and the children did all the work. I found a gorgeous leather couch at the Good will for $160. It looks fabulous.  So now my other couch is out in the carport sitting on a table with all the bins. The laundry room is so full of stuff you can't walk in there. Someone deliver me. I feel like that commercial

My daughter just came up to talk and I lost my train of thought. I'm looking at my cat. Big fat fur ball that loves my bed. He is so cute. My dog is cute my cat is cute my old lady is cute, I'm surrounded by cuteness. I've got cute people too. So much to enjoy. My goal today is to not stress over all the work that remains undone. My goal is to be thankful to enjoy this day as if it's the only one I have and to be gracious, and laugh. Life is so great with laughter.

My wish for you today is that you also have a heart of gratitude and ready laughter. I pray we all avoid the stress of this season and instead find ways to enjoy it. The music, the lights, the blessings and the promises. If not for the sweet baby Jesus their would be no Christmas at all. Enjoy this time, enjoy your families. For the young mommies who are tired and work so hard, tuck away into your hearts these times because the day will come when you look back and can see that these days are the best in your life.   May all of us do something to relieve the misery of others in less fortunate countries. buy coats for the freezing, food for the starving, buy someone a goat or some chickens or help provide clean water for a community. I wish that at Christmas instead of buying each other a lot more stuff we don't need we would focus on those whose needs are dire and do something for them. We could do a lot for the world each one of us.

 God bless you all! Merry Christmas!

This N That

HOW....Dee! Did ya hear Minnie Pearl? Instead of wearing a hat with tags I have jewelry with tags. I have been busy getting my display of Premier jewelry (proudly made in TEXAS!) organized and also getting a presentation that I feel comfortable with.  The next show I do I'll take some pictures. I think you'll like it! It's  been a challenge to book shows but the shows I have given have been fun. I learned a lot from the first one and each one teaches me more about how to do it better. The main thing is for the hostess and her friends to have fun!
I will enjoy making some money too. I am still recovering my investment. I got a great deal on real black velvet at Hobby Lobby and some decorative wire tree stands, some lights, some bling and then all the sparkleys; are you feeling it?

It's not all glam around here though. I have been tackling fur balls that look like tumbleweeds and little piglets in the pigsty. Mess, dust, grime, more mess.  When the mom gets out of commission for a LONG time the dwelling begins to take on the feel of a barn.  Letting the puppy jump on the bed wasn't too bad before he got to 70 pounds, now he can bust the springs. He sounds like a horse galloping when he runs his "hooves" pound the dirt, and then track it into the house.  I plead temporary insanity for picking oatmeal frieze carpet. Drugs mess you up prescription or not.

Hum and my other news is that I ordered my grand girl in the snow a warm coat and some very cute waterproof snow boots. Charged it courtesy of HSN. Of all the times in my life to rationalize the use of credit, keeping that girl from freezing seems reasonable.
I just can't even begin to think about Christmas. There are 6 weeks until Christmas. I don't want to shop,  decorate, or do any of it. Just call me Eb.  My idea of a great Christmas this year would be to go to all the ballet's and musicals and just enjoy.  My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving because it isn't commercialized very much although the stores are sure trying. We have decorations for everything.  I saw Christmas decorations out in late August when it's hot! I'm tired of being rushed. The week after Christmas the Valentines go out. I am feeling like stepping off the band wagon and just enjoy the way I want too. I had hoped to get some sewing done. The 6 week target on that ought to light a fire under me. It's all I can do to get done what I have going on now. Don't even say one word about that un-sentence, it's the drugs I tell ya!

I have a new toy. A lap top. Midge won it and was going to sell it on Craig's List because she didn't need it. I told my Hunny to buy it for me in an off hand way and he DID! I don't have it set up yet but when I get it done and buy one of those air conditioning lap pillows I just may be a regular blogger again!

Fall is officially here the trees are gorgeous, the air is cooler but still lots of sun shine. I'm ready for soups and pies, if someone else would do the work. I hope you are all enjoying this great time of year. Did anybody else besides me eat way to much candy after Halloween? I never get it right. Last year I ran out of candy so this year I bought candy and had 2 door knockers. We finished off the last peanut butter snickers bars tonight.  If I could swing my hips walking up the stairs I could probably do the bump with the walls.....just sayin.

Eat Candy and Have Fun!

Neighborhoods

 I woke up this morning to cool air and rain. It was 80 yesterday and still felt like sweaty summer but in a nice way. It stays warm in the South for so long.  Watching your blogs over the years the reality of how cold most of the states are has become a living picture.  Reading your posts I often think, "How can they be getting cold so soon it just got warm there?" I think about how each one of us has  some kind of struggle where we are.  Some of us are too cold, and some of us sweat.

Do you remember when you were young hearing old people talk about their bones? My grandparents did. They talked about old bones and rheumatism. My Grandpas hands were gnarled up and they were the hands of a gardener. He was the one who toured me through his massive gardens showing me cute surprises and asking me what I liked. I loved him. I loved those walks in the gardens. It was my first experience as a child of quiet communing. I enjoyed my time with him because he settled me, he quieted me and we walked and talked together. I suppose you could say my grandpa treated me like a person when I was a child.

This year is almost over and I am thinking of how long we have been here, almost 12 years.  For twelve years I have been miserable in the long hot summers with the deluge of bugs, until this year.  This year I made a conscious decision to avoid negative thinking. I haven't accomplished this but I'm working on it.  I can't take credit for this but I heard somewhere, "My mind is like a bad neighborhood, I should never go there by myself."  I love that. Who to take with me into the hood? I can't think of anyone better than the Holy Spirit.  Murmuring is serious to God. Really when we are complaining we are in God's face about our circumstances. The current trend today is to talk about God as Daddy and all the love and grace. That is true, but God is also God, high, holy, and lifted up.  In His physical presence we would be undone.  The appearance of angels causes men to fall down as if dead, how much more so the God of the universe?

That helps me with being a whiner, complainer, negative thinker; when I realize that really I am letting God know in a most disrespectful way that I do not believe.   You might be thinking, "How did she jump to that?"  If I complain about my circumstances then I am not believing and resting in God's sovereign plan for my life.  He is either all knowing and all powerful or not. He is either on His throne and I am in the palm of His hand or not. I either solidly believe He has a purpose and plan for my individual life or not.

That's why the Israelites were in so much trouble in the wilderness. They kept looking at where they were instead of who God is. They forgot about all that He had done before and complained. The consequences for that were a 40 year march instead of a 6 month trip.  Do you think that maybe God takes unbelief seriously?

Each week that I teach my small ladies Bible group I grow in amazing leaps. I don't understand why God is blessing me with this. He is faithful and I am not. Each week He takes my meager portion of study, my two fish and a piece of bread and He makes a feast for all of us.  Jumping in to serve has taken me to places I never thought I'd go.  The Word of God is more alive to me than it's ever been and I am applying it to my life.

My mind is a hood and I don't need to go there alone. My circumstances are not important.  My focus CAN be a sacrifice of praise. When is the last time you really thought about what that means? A sacrifice of praise.  Sometimes we are praising God when what we really want to do is a have big bitch session. We have the choice about what we offer. The miracle happens when we offer the sacrifice.

When we enter that throne room and come into the presence of the Lord of all, and praise, something happens to us. His presence comes upon us like a soft cloud of peace and light drifting gently, enveloping and comforting, it's so soft quiet....holiness.  A place to rest, a place of quiet holy prayer.
There in His presence fears vanish, problems shrink, complaints depart, we are strengthened, and hearts are mended. When we go out from there we are ready to be wherever we are. We are ready to go wherever we need to go. We can endure whatever it is, cold, heat, pain, sorrow, or stress, because we do not go alone and that is reason enough to praise.

It Just Doesn't Look Like Much.

Howdy. I am still a part of planet Earth.

Some days I feel like I'm working on a sinking ship.

I've been so busy. It's ridiculous how long it takes me to get anything done. 

It takes so long there isn't energy to write about it.

Or it's embarrassing to admit it, or both.

Seriously, did I just wake up one day and become an old lady?

I moved back upstairs. I wish you could really see this color, it's just gorgeous and the photo doesn't do it justice. I rolled the walls and my friend cut in with the brush. It's amazing what I can do now compared to six months ago, sort of. 

YES, it put me in bed for a dang week. 

I should NOT have done it but it felt so good to pretend that there is something normal about me. 

 This is the new love in my life. I used to work 12 hours a day. Now I try and work 12 hours a week split into 3 afternoons. I have not had the best attendance record. A real job would have fired me. BUT my girlfriend loves what I do with her sweet little mama so much she doesn't care!  Works for me.

I love taking care of her. She can walk so NO lifting. I get her up bathe her, dress her, give her a pedicure a  couple of times a month and then we go into the kitchen. Oh yeah and I do her hair.

We listen to music while I cook our breakfast. I get to eat too!

FOOD IS LOVE.

After we eat we play puzzles, identify words, play matching games with cards, try and count, talk, cut up and giggle and just have fun.

That's her "therapy."

She is severely demented but her response has been outstanding.

She is talking in short sentences, smiling, laughing, and responding.

IF she is upset which is very rare she babbles like she's speaking in tongues and I just reassure her.

She's sweet and pleasantly confused. 

A perfect patient.

Truthfully I don't know WHO is getting blessed more.

I think it's me.

I make a small amount of money which helps us get gas and a bit of food. 

I don't do it for the money,I used to make that much in 3 hours.

I used to work 12 hours a day. Repeating myself again.

How did I do that?

Seriously, I can't even comprehend doing that much work in day, or a week or a month.

Now I work for the love and the pure joy of it. 

My gardening has changed as well. How do you like this? It's all from the dollar store and doesn't require any water or fertilizer. It took me FOREVER  to just clean up the side yard. Argh....the frustration is intense. To work 10 years establishing an amazing garden and not be able to keep it up is just gross. I want to move. The timing isn't right yet but maybe in the future.

The kids are doing great and they are so much more comfortable in the big room. We tried to have David use the utility room as his bedroom and that just didn't work. We were back to putting the vacuums in any available corner and stepping over toys to wash clothes was too much for me! Man do I remember those days. I think one of the hardest parts of getting laundry done when you are a young mother is the stepping over, clearing a path, wiping snotty noses, and answering the phone..... on your way to the washer; where you never get.

There are some advantages to age.

Here's my latest project or part of it. I am PURGING! Barfing up stuff, gobs of it. I have too many books, too many pictures, too much wall art, an excess of baskets, 3 sets of dishes, and all the stuff my grandmother asked me to "take care of".  

I am over it!

IF I have learned anything in this process it is that too much stuff is a ball and chain around my neck. Yes Ebeneezer Jacob Morley was right.

My brother is coming to get a bunch of Grandma's things my family isn't interested. Then the burden will be his. I haven't even really bought my own style of things because I have so much from other people. I am grateful but I just don't care about keeping all of this. It's work to have things. They have to be dusted and they take up space. I am just over it!

I'm repeating myself. It's a symptom of dementia. I sometimes think my best meeting of the minds is with my sweet demented lady. Hummmmmmmm. I have remembered recently though that I have a blog and I used to write on it, and I liked it. A short moment of clarity and a brief window of time. I am on vacation this week.  The plan is to pack up everything I don't want and get it out of here! and post.

OK the SQUIRREL. I kept the squirrel for 3 weeks. My cats and my dog wanted to eat her.

Yes, this 66 pound handsome boy really wanted a squirrel snack.  Aint he a handsome boy?
 I kept her by herself unless I could guard the cage because it's a lot of stress to feel like a little hamburger with feet. I don't know if squirrels have the brains to realize that a cage keeps them safe. Really.
I found a wild life rescue and turned her over to them. I didn't want to release her and have her come over for a bottle or a slice of banana and become cat food, nawww not.
However the story does have a funny twist to it. I said I thought I had a 5 or 6 week old baby squirrel that was still taking a bottle. When I dropped her at the vet they told me I had a much older squirrel than that. She was a "teenager". MY question was, "Then why is she still taking a bottle?' After all she was still very small and I was feeling like a perfect idiot!

Answer.    

 BECAUSE you are giving it to her!

Naturally, the story of my life, spoil everything in my touch, spoiled rotten.