Saturday, November 1, 2008

We Did Carry On continued....

Ya'll I really do have to tell you the whole story of my shopping experience. I held back because my sales ladies were very large as in grande and very black as in Afro American. I have never been politically correct; I despise the very socialism of the words. The whole idea is a communist plot. My disclaimer is, I LIVE around black people, and we are friends. My story is not racial it is what is. It is stinkin hilarious.

Three days ago I went into the Dress Barn, you know this part. I bought a lovely jacket that looked like it was for my mother. Since she has been buried for a long time I couldn't give it to her, it was just her size. I went back to exchange it for a smaller one. A very pleasant sales lady laughed when I showed her how big it was and thank the good lawd there was one other coat like it that did fit me. She fetched down out of the rafters where it was on display. I was in a talkative mood (imagine that) and told her that I liked her store and had never shopped there before. I also said " I NEED PANTS." The question is what size pants?

She waved her arm to the "otha side of the store." Apply thick accent puhleeeze.
"Oh, says I, the WIDE section,"
"No, says she, the WOMEN'S section."
"Yeah, right" says I, and "I like big butts and I cannot lie." Which gets a laugh. She points me to her friend who is workin the OTHA side of the store. This woman was big as in waddle and things are movin, and she is smiling! I liked her immediately. I said, "You see this junk? What size pants do I need?" So she looked, she ooed and she awed, she just marvled that a white girl like me could be so endowed with such a black butt. She says," I theeeinkkkkkk an 18 or a TWENTY."
Now this is when it would really be better if you knew exactly what I do sound like.
" A TWENTY I fairly screached, in the WIDE section?!?!?!?!?!?" Are you serious?
I can wear a 14 over here or I'm gonna kill myself."
She giggled, "Awhh why sure I'm just thinkin about the part that sticks out like mine; yo shore been chowin down on some cornbread and greens, naw haven't ya?"
Now I love her, she's killin me. "Yes lawdy I love to eat but what I been eatin is chocolate candy and piles of it."
"Now if you would be so kind as to keep them britches comin I will see waht I can wear out of this fine store!"
My new friend had good taste, I put on pants and she nearly drooled over my fine behind.
Bless her heart it is a sorry day when someone is jealous of my figure if you can call it that!
I really, really enjoyed her callin me "Cornbread" and telling me she was callin her mama about her long lost sistah, we had a fine day, a fine day. All is not lost for a good retail experience in the south. Move over Nordy's, or open up one of your fine establishments in MADISON MISSISSIPPI, PUHLEEEZEEEE! I know some really fine sales women for the "W" department.
( this post is a continuation of the previous post so don't miss that one. I worked all week, that is my excuse.)


Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

You really are just the most original blog I've read in ages. Love the blog and your honesty and your humor.

Anonymous said...

Oh geez I am laughing so hard, that is just too much!

Grandma Tillie's Bakery said...

Yoo hoo! I have tagged you on my blog--come see!

Debbie in CA : ) said...

I ditto Lynne -- you are an "Original," my friend.

Since I DO know the sound of your voice I can hear the screechin' and laughing (and even the whinin' of remorse).

Put that candy in the TRASH and learn to give out pencils! : )

Laura ~Peach~ said...

sounds like music in my ears!
We have the big behind issues here too!
HUGS Laura

Karen said...

I love it! We live in such a deep hollow that the sight of someone that's NOT white sends everyone into a tizzy. It's sad, really. And embarrasing when my kids see someone different for the first time.

Heidi said...

GIRL - it sounds like you had FUN!!! There is nothing better than making a friend in the wide department - they have your best 'intersts' in mind!! **snort**

imbeingheldhostage said...

and it's a great post to expand on. I want to go shopping with you!

Flea said...

So? Are you a fourteen or a twenty?!?

And girl, do NOT blame me and my Christmas post! :) Those gifts, so many of them, are between five and ten dollars. Little things which make grandkids ecstatic! Especially the folders and the ninja bandages. Cheap Christmas for little kids, with big happiness for all!

Kathy said...

I'd sure like to go shopping with you!

Anonymous said...

Why oh Why couldn't I have been a fly on the wall?!?!?! Oh my gosh am I cracking up! And I wish I could've been there with you. Just imagine what they might have said to me! LOL!

Angela said...

I just loved this post. As I read it all I kept thinking was, oh my goodness, I can just imagine her and I in that store together,,LOL...I'm just the same way. I laughed also about your Splurges post..I didn't BUY anything I liked to hand out for Halloween, it NEVER would have made it out the
thanks for visiting me at my blog..and I hope to keep visiting you and enjoying your wonderful writing and sharing from your heart.