Friday, April 9, 2010

Embarrassing Confessions.

Do you have illusions about yourself?
I do.
Inside my head I am the same as when I was 20 or 30.
That is a definite delusion.

I recently had one of those moments of reality; in front of one the dreaded 3 way mirrors in a dressing room.
You know the kind. The same place where the lighting is bad, and you can visualize every dimple you have on your hind quarters.
I saw so much beef; I could have moo---ed!

It was Easter and we are going to go to California in June. I thought a new outfit was appropriate. I figured that I'd have some success if I went to a "good" store. I chose Chico's. The have sales ladies that can help you out. Guess what? I came out of there with a T-shirt. That's it. I'm modeling it for you in all my royal fatness.

It's OK you don't have to lie. Please don't say sweetly that I am alright. NO, I am not. I am not OK and probably you are not OK. I have never in my life been this big. This is what you call a negative epiphany. I have moved out of the category of "over weight" into "obese". That word just freaks me out! It sounds like OH BEAST or OH BEEF. It's a bad word. A horrid word.  No wonder my little bitty feet are breaking. Look at them those little tiny feet trying to peak out from under those flared jeans.

This is as bad as it gets.
The side profile shot.
Help me Jesus.

This has got to change.
I mean really, my profile could be on the funny Hallmark cards.
This is soooooo not me.
Just who is this imposter and when did she sneak in and steal the REAL Karen away?

Am I the only one who is surprised by my own self?

My husband has teased me at times.
He'll say, "water and air aren't fattening."
I used to hit him.
Now maybe I think there is some wisdom in that.
I have been reading about intermittent fasting as a way of life to maintain a healthy weight. You can eat what you want but only in a designated period of time.
I am not there yet. The goal is 5 hours of eating a day.

 The rest of the time you fast and just drink.
 Does wine count as a food group? Yeah it has calories.
 Can't stay drunk on the fasting hours--sorry about that.

I am thinking there is some real benefits to this. You really only need 2 meals in that time. Saves money-ka ching ka ching!  I spend a lot for food. It COSTS a lot of money to fatten the calf maintain this girth.
Not to mention the secret stashes of candy desserts and gourmet items. You know the stuff that tastes delicious.  So where are we now?

To start this I am quitting at 5pm. After 5 that's it. Done. Tea ok, water ok.  Whatever I'm going to have has to be eaten before the witching hour my time limit. This has me eating for about 7 to 8 hours. When this becomes easy I'll challenge myself to start later in the morning or cut back in the evening. When I was young I actually practiced this when I needed to lose. I used to quit at 3 in the afternoon. I was about a size 3 then, so it worked. I also roller skated all over Santa Cruz. My long hair blowing in the breezes. Wowza how the diva--dived!!!!

The problem has been the lack of meaningful work, restricted activity, and sitting in front of the TV at night munching on anything not nailed down snacking.

The solutions have begun.
My other little steps have been---
babyitting these little ones.

They keep me hopping and I just love them.
Aren't they cute?

My other big plus has been that I am going to
physical therapy. I love it.
It's like having a personal trainer.
Unlike the biggest loser where they don't care if
your puking your guts up, or getting injured. Yeah I know they have doctors there, they need them!
The PT therapist want you to get back in shape in a more timely manner, without injury.
I'll take some pictures of where I go, it's beautiful.
I'm in the pool and I love the water. I love to swim.

Why did I post these awful pictures and tell you?
Maybe some of you are struggling with this too.
Maybe you have had a recent traumatic encounter with the hideous 3 way mirrors.
Maybe you are wishing you could do SOMETHING to change.
 I'm sharing my plan. These are the before pictures. I am going to change. You can just watch or you can join in. I have found that the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Now that I look like I have eaten one I can give advice.
 Making changes are most successful in the same manner, one bite step at a time.
The important thing is to start.
How about you?


Tricia said...

I am in the overweight category. I have been s l o w l y losing weight this year. It's more of a down a little, up a little less, down a little, up a little less but in the end I am headed in the right direction. I will be praying for you. Maybe just an awareness of what you are eating and why would be productive.

Schnitzel and the Trout said...

Karen, you are brave. You recognize a problem and you have faced it. That is Step 1. Fasting, I don't think so. Your body will think it is starving and it will be harder to lose. I really believe in the South Beach Diet. Lots of healthy salads and proteins and veggies for 2 weeks and then you slowly add in fruits and whole wheat breads. In those 2 weeks, your body stops craving sweets and that is the all important step. I still need to lose 15 pounds, so I am no expert, but this makes so much sense to me. Stay away from all things white....white flour, rice, potatoes, white bread, etc. That is a big first step and nothing diet like sodas. Check into the South Beach website and learn a lot about how the body works. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

You crack me up with this post. I am here to cheer you on and am sure you'll have success! You can and will do this intermittent fasting. Let me know if you have any questions and check out the helpful links on my Fasting Lifestyle blog. At 143 lbs I am still considered overweight, ugh. ((hugs))

Jeanie said...

Kudos to you for your determination. I will be watching for positive progress reports. Thanks for pointing me toward grandma j.

Angela said...

Always remember dear you live this life style, MANY will think your nots, that you are starving yourself, that it is unhealthy, etc. etc. etc.

There is a lot of documented reports about fasting...and the benefits that goes with it.

As for starving myself, living this life style now for over three years..

Well let's I broke my fast at 6:00..had me a HUGE ceaser salad, (asked the waitress if they used the whole head of lettuce,lol), a four slice pizza with provolone cheese, mushrooms, black olives and red peppers, plus carrots and blue cheese dip...

Had me my cofee and milk during the day, lots of water, my vitamins...

As for the five hour eating span, I've shared before, I can't allow myself that much time,,,like you mentioned, that is like adding two meals..I look at it as 5 hours where I could gorge a lot of food.

Today I ate (of course at a restaurant with friends), for about an hour and a half..

I remember the day when I finally realized I was obsess..was in Church sitting in the pew and looking down and saw my body for what it really looked liked. I wanted to cry.

I too was in denial..especially when I look back the pictures now when I was 250 lbs. I remember thinking back than in some of those outfits..'oh this really makes me look slimming'..WHAT? Who was I kidding..MYSELF...

((hugs)) I'm here to support prayer in whatever you do know I got your back,,and I know you got mine...

love the wee ones your watching. They are such a joy aren't they....

Anonymous said...

Karen you are brave and you are so funny. I love the way you share this with so much ironic humor.

I know that you are sharing serious truth at the same time and I pray that God will strengthen you and guide you with His wisdom for a plan that benefits your health.

Chris H said...

I love this post.. you are sharing some hard stuff about yourself.
I am already on the right track to losing the weight again.. doing low carbs AND a bit like your plan.... only eating lunch and dinner... nothing else in-between or after.
I have lunch at about 12-1pm and dinner at 6.30 pm. THAT. IS. IT.

WE can do it girl... cos we are worth it... and we wanna look 20-30 again, not just feel it! RIGHT?

Unknown said...

I don't beat myself up over my girth. I haven't lost of gain in two years, so I decided to step up my aqua aerobics to every day for 90 minutes. I joined a class that is a bit challenging, but I love it. If I lose fine, if not then that's ok too.

You look fine...

Khris said...

Good for you should be proud of what you are doing and facing the hard cold truth. I have lost about 10kg since the beginning of the year which is about 22lbs. I don't think I really like the eating plan you are choosing as I still think its have to burn more than you eat and I can eat a whole lot in five hours...and I also know that I would fall in a shaking mess with low blood sugars if I can't have small meals several times a day/evening. Good luck with whatever you choose though...hugs Khris

Kathy said...

We could be twins. I yo-yo up and down frequently. At an all time high right now too. Funny to read your post tonight as just yesterday two others very close to me agreed with me to be buddies over the next 18 months to cheer one another and help to transition to a healthier lifestyle and bodies. I swear, you and I could be twins! Can't wait for June!

Kitter said...

Hi Karen...I just LOVE you!!! Seems like we have the same struggles to share. Geneen Roth amazing auther and speaker about weight and related issues has just come out with a new book Women, Food and God. Here's a little thing she's doing tomorrow Tuesday if you'd like to listen in. I have been to one of her workshops and I think you'll find her inspiring! Plus, she lives in Santa Cruz our old stomping grounds!!

Join Geneen Roth for a FREE one-hour teleseminar about her new book Women Food and God on Tuesday April 13th at 8pm Eastern and 5pm Pacific time.

During this conversation, Geneen will share many aspects about the book -- why she wrote it, what she hopes you will glean from it, and how you can use it.

You will find information about how to listen live by phone for this free teleseminar here:
Love and hugs my friend....Kitter

Karen Deborah said...

We all sure have a lot of emotions about weight don't we? Kitter you were supposed to say that you KNEW me when I was gorgeous and it's true! I am doing great with quitting early. I am not starving or doing anything weird. I just quit snacking constantly on everything in this house. Next it's the store...

Unknown said...

I have always struggled with weight. I am trying to make good choices every day and drink lots of water. It really makes me feel like a failure.

Kat said...

Yep. I have recently felt this way too. I just don't know whose body this is. It is funny because when I look in the mirror I think I look fine. And then I see myself in a picture and think OH MY FREAKING CRAP!!!! Not good. I have really been working out like crazy and watching what I eat so hopefully soon I will start to see some changes. My problem is that I always hang on to about 10-15 pounds when I am breastfeeding and I can't get it off until I am done. So we'll see how it goes.

I am so glad you are getting some physical therapy. So good for you. And not eating after 5 (mine is after 7) is exactly right. That makes a huge difference!

Anonymous said...

Oh Karen, I just had to stop by to read this again. I think I'm taking the plunge too. Isn't it so interesting how we see our selves so differently in our minds.

I have to read some more about this diet but again, I just so love your humor. I literally laughed outloud for the second time when I read your line which says, "That word just freaks me out! It sounds like OH BEAST or OH BEEF." You are too much.

I think the worst is starting. Ugghh...pray for me. ;)

Twisted Fencepost said...

About three years ago I was eating right and exercising 5 days per week. Then I had a health scare that put me down for awhile, then other things crept in and I had to move the exercise equipment to storage. I am finally getting wrapped up and getting ready to move that stuff back in.
Yeah, I'm bigger than ever and IT'S GOT TO GO!!