ART for Africa day

 My friend Elysa who lives down at We Will Go invited me to come down to her house and paint some pictures. She is auctioning them off to help her son raise funds to go this summer to Swaziland!!It will be his first mission trip. They live as missionaries in downtown Jackson.
I haven't made any art myself in years.  It sounded like so much fun though!

 Elysa is painting a background on a board to dry for later. Carolyn is one of the neighbors and I love her. She has made some really cool paintings!!

 This is my picture. What do you think? I had Jimmy cut me a piece of wood and then he made a frame for me. I inked in a lot of the wood grain lines and then used them to make the water. The thought behind it is,  "We will be like a tree planted by the waters, our leaf will not wither and whatsoever we do will prosper."

 Carolyn painted this the other day. I love her sense of color and design. It's a powerful piece.

 This piece is available for auction now. A man named Chris with a life changing testimony and a South African missionary worked on this one. Personally I love this. I placed a bid and have already been out bid. I may place another bid on it.  http://elysasmusingsfromgraceland.blogspot.com/2013/03/overwhelmed-by-love.html

 A painting by one of Elysa's kids also up for auction at some point. All these pieces will be available through her blog. Musings from Graceland.

 I painted this big cross. You can't really see it though.

 Laura and Carolyn discussing something we are having fun!

 Elysa's masterpieces, personally I love the little African hut.

 Carolyn and I and the piece she made today.

 Don't make us look fat! There that's better....maybe....

 Well OK, any way I am fat but I'm happy too so that's OK for now.

 I feel like I'm in kindergarten and having a bunch of fun.

 Just because I haven't posted in awhile I'll show you my rehab plan. I am USING it!
It's helping me a lot too.

Signing off with a bit of sugar, the man and the dogie.

So tell me do I have any potential as an artist? I've already quit my day job so you can be frank. HA!
If you want to bid on anything got to Elysa's blog and let her know!!
See you soon.

Crossroads Hypothetically Speaking

I have piles of old shirts and fabrics. What I need is some enthusiasm about living life and get some creative juices from out of my head and into action. I was looking on line today at recycling old shirts and clothes and redyeing them into something special.

It's an interesting idea, redyeing something. I'd like to try it. Instead of looking for pretty fabrics I could look for anything in the fiber wanted and then make it into something pretty.

I'm still thinking about what to do to earn some money. Thinking doesn't accomplish much, doing does. But what to do? That is the question.

I think sometimes when there are too many options and too many distractions that it becomes hard to focus on one path and just start walking it. Cross roads are like that. There are a lot of paths facing me. Would I like to go back to school and be a nurse practitioner? Yes, but the funds is an issue and so is the work. There are a huge questions around that whole issue.

What about writing? Well I do my writing for free. My spelling, typing, grammar, punctuation is atrocious. People have said I should write a book but I don't have an idea for a book. There are a lot of questions about that too, like marketing.

The path of an artist. I have always been attracted to this. I am artistic but can I do something people will want to buy? What about the economy? Is anyone out there not on rice and beans like we are?
Truthful questions. I see the Etsy shops, but do items sell? What sells? That is the question all of America is asking right now, not just me.

Today I am thinking about the recycled aprons. How appealing are they? Hypothetically would you buy one if you saw it on Etsy? What would you pay for one?  I made so many at Christmas and didn't take pictures which is a bummer,  but you get the idea. So I ask you what does the survey say?

Stretching.

Where is hope?  Life has been so full of other families, other people, arms reaching out for some help, comfort and understanding.  I'll never get used to watching old couples part as the first one to die leaves. I realize as I watch his small face with drooping eyelids blurry with tears and sorrow, how he almost stumbles to her empty shell to say farewell; that this is my biggest fear.

We aren't supposed to have fear if we have faith, but I do. I used to be independent, once upon a time long ago. There was a time that I hung onto it fiercely with defiance, it's my way or the highway.
Not anymore, now it's our way. Our marriage is a three fold cord not easily broken. We are us wrapped up with God and Jesus is always here. The Holy Spirit teaches, leads, fills, and comforts, so why do I hang onto this fear? Fear of the unravelling cord, of being the one left, the unkown of how to go back when you can never go back and the future imagined is a lake of tears.

For years I have asked that we die together because I don't want that lesson in pain.

Watching my friend, as his heart breaks, my heart hurts for him. I hear that quiet voice in myself, "Do you trust me?" Yes Lord, I do. and that is all.

I don't know what the future holds. I only know that I want to keep on this path of letting go. You see I am insatiable. There is never enough stuff. There is never enough pretty clothes, shoes, furniture, trinkets, nice cars, better houses, never never enough. As soon as one pretty bauble is slightly old it loses it's luster and is discarded for another just out of reach and it is sheer misery.

Learning to walk by faith however is the opposite, it is scary, exciting and always amazing when what I hoped for and thought about comes my way. I know it isn't happen chance it is provision.  When I have resisted spending money on a new bed quilt and it is given to me. Even prettier than  imagined and the sheets I actually needed were a Christmas gift this year and so unexpected. When the dog I love and struggled so much with and for, to keep and train and could not do it enough or right; finds a perfect home, and I was not looking. When God brings the family to your door and they are perfect and kind and this serious dog cannot stop wagging his tail at them and my heart breaks watching him fall in love with someone else, at the same time being thankful that it is just this way.

Learning with the Daniel fast that food addictions can be broken and bodies can feel better.

Seeing that needs are met if patience can hold out long enough to allow God to do what He will do. When I let him drive the car of my life and quit saying turn left here and just go for the ride. Stretching, growing and the fear of being left behind and not knowing what to do is less than it was, realizing it is a journey and grace is given when we need it. Believing that eternal arms are really there to lean on.

Because as I am turning lose of my life as I have fashioned it, with the things I have clung to, I realize this makes me mobile and available. Who knows I may end up with a back pack in another country at some point in the future; but the point is it doesn't matter where or when. I am already on the journey.

As I have pondered Jesus life, something very obvious has become clear to me. I admit I can be slow but it sometimes the simplest things right under our noses that are the easiest to miss.  Jesus didn't minister from a high and lofty place. He came down here and dwelt among us. He didn't even have a house. He just had the clothes on his back and he went among the people who needed him, and who were those?  People most of us don't want to hang with, dirty, messy screwed up sick people. Jesus lived like a street person a bum, and he ministered to the unlovely and the messy. HE came for people like me.
We really can't make a difference from far away we have to be with.  We have to live with and walk with, be there. If we really want to be like Him and live like Him then we have to be willing to be led into anything.

I need Him and I want Him. I want more of Him. More trust less fear, more faith less doubt, more life less waste, more peace, more hope, more kindness, more goodness, more self control, more generosity, more meaning, more touching, more giving, more of the only life that satisfies me, sharing who set me free.

You see I am still insatiable but what I want now brings life giving hope not frustration. Freely pouring out my life and talents for mercies sake has a joy no paycheck can give. Being able to spend as much time as I need to without parameters, that is freedom.

Doing all as unto Jesus, pure joy.

Reflecting in the Deep.

Does your head ever swim with questions?  Mine does. I have been noticing the passage of time with other bloggers that I have been reading for a long time now, five, six years.  Babies are children, little children are bigger children, and soon those bigger children will be off living their lives and a whole new set of blogging stories will follow.
 Noticing that caused me to reflect on the beginning of my blog. I had just come back from my first mission trip to Colombia, it was one of those life changing, "aha" experiences. I came back knowing without a doubt how rich we are here.  We have so much, such an excess of material goods. We have clothes that get thrown away with tags on them. Clothes that get tossed because they aren't in fashion anymore, or in my case because I have outgrown them. Outgrowing clothes at my age is also excess, a sign of abundance. We have so much food so many choices. How many kinds of cereal can they make? I saw so many children in one item of clothing or a pair of underwear. When you see in real life people who have little or nothing this waste we participate in is ugly, it indicts the conscience.

When is the last time you had to make a purchase of something important like a washer or dryer, a computer , or a TV, how complicated is THAT? When my washer died it was so overwhelming I bought another one just like mine, second hand. Don't get me wrong I had been waiting a long time to get a new fancy machine. Washing machines are like the cereal isle on steroids. I just tilted. No comprende. I'm thankful that I didn't purchase a fancy machine, the $100 second hand Maytag has been working fine now for years. The goal is clean clothes, right?

As I look back I can see that God started something in Colombia that didn't end when I came home. Two other mission trips later, God closed the door on short term trips and I sat down to wonder. When I stopped being able to work at the hospital I was totally confused. Wasn't I living a good godly life? Slowly God has been revealing to me that my life itself is a mission trip.

"We are supernatural beings living in a natural world". Someone smarter than me said that. I can't remember who but I remember what was said.  We are on a journey, an adventure and so much like little hobbits we choose to love our comforts and homes; or step out the door and go on an adventure. There really are adventures everywhere around us. What I'm finding is my adventures are not glamorous or exciting but they are important. When I wake up and give the Lord my day he brings people into my life that need something that I can give.  Lately God has been using every skill I possess. I was so busy for awhile that I asked for some rest and received it. BUT even as I rested a part of me did not want the rest; the part that knew I was missing something wonderful.

Today I chose not to rest. It was really cold out and that actually was a deterrent, did I want to go out and get chilly? Then the small inner voice won, "GO." Sometimes it is just that simple. Like the Nike shoe ad, "just do it."

I went down to the inner city of Jackson, our ghetto. I went to be a part of Hands &Feet, the clothing ministry and after that the Bible study. I went to meet with whoever God wanted me to meet. I went to smile and share love. I went to hug and to touch. I went to give.

I was paired with a young mother who just lost her little infant son to SIDS.
When I learned it was her, my breath snatched and my heart grabbed hard in my chest with the hurt of it. As we shopped together I gently asked her about her life. She told me about her little girl and we picked some cute things for her. I asked her about herself and she said she was just trying to hang on. That's when I told her that I knew of her little one. I asked her about her feelings and thoughts.
 I told her about our baby. My first little grandson that was 4 months old and died at Christmas. My precious little boy that was shared with me every day of his sweet life. I had given him his first bath. I held him and loved him every single day of his life except for his last. I know about second guessing and driving yourself crazy with "what ifs." We talked and really shared. I know she knew I really cared about her. That I knew first hand what aching arms are, how you wake up and your first thoughts are confused like a bad dream that this can't be real, but it is. Then your eyes that are red and swollen and sore from crying squeeze out fresh tears and they sting, but you cannot help it, that river of tears seems like it will never dry up.
 I share that my Joshua would be 24 and that when I cried for her Leroy, it was crying for Joshua and somehow I have kept on, but there will always be tears for him. He was the firstborn, born in our home, cradled in our arms, and fully loved with all our hearts. Other babies did not replace him. Other babies brought their own joys, but their is no replacement for a unique created being.

 I like to imagine that my mother cares for Joshua in heaven. My mom was such a great baby lady. After being angry with God and feeling like he had given me too much, it finally came down to that simple idea. Please God let my mama hold my baby. Once I imagined him in her arms comforting as they are and all the kisses and cooing he would have and his little smiles back at her, it began to heal my heart. We all have our own way of dealing with grief. I needed a picture to replace the last picture. I could not let holding that little lifeless body be my last thoughts. Losing a baby is an opportunity to go insane. That door opens and with just a little nudge one can step inside and just let go. It takes effort to resist, reality is a painful intolerable place full of questions and sorrow. I don't wish it on anyone. If you can judge me and say that Jesus should have been enough then I forgive you, you have not lost a baby. We cannot say what is enough for someone. Our grief is our own, it is unique and shared and a  journey we must travel through. There is no safe escape. Ultimately God is enough but at the time it is a struggle.

What good can come of something like this? Why does God let this happen?
Well, God is God and he knows more than I can even begin to wonder at. I'm not being trite, I can't explain it. I can only share my own story and say that I had to have simple answers. I really didn't care about the answers to the human condition. I wanted to remain sane and I needed something simple to hold onto, something real. I found those answers in Jesus.

 What I do know is that God never wastes our suffering. If we allow it he will use it to comfort others. If we allow it he will use it to deepen our faith and show us more about who we are and who he is. Because I have walked in that valley I will walk with this young mother as far as she wishes. I will walk as shallowly or as deeply as she needs. If my wounds need to reopen to bleed with hers I will do it, because I know, they are already bleeding.

Every day isn't like this, digging deeply into life's hurts, but each encounter has given me a keen awareness of the Lords hand upon my life. By simply being available he has been directing me all over this town. He places someone on my mind and I call them= they have a need I can fill.  Or a friend will know someone who they want me to talk too, and on it goes. Life can be so full on mission. We are all on mission, we just don't live that way. We are all created with a plan for our lives, a custom plan by God himself with a purpose, a future and HOPE.  It's so awesome and from day to day more gets taken and more gets added and nothing feels the same. As I look back and reflect and question, I wonder what has taken me so long? How much longer is it going to take?

What I do know is God is faithful and good and HE is not finished with me yet.

It's a New Year

Wow what happened to uploading pictures from your computer? No more? This may end my blogging career dismal as it is.( THANKS Elizabeth it is internet Explorer! Weird!)

I spent Friday in the ER with chest pain, not just chest pain but left arm, tight jaw, grabbing pinching chest pain. I thought I had a widow maker going on. It had to be bad to get me to go to the ER. I really hate going to the ER. We waited 3 and 1/2 hours after my normal EKG to be seen. That is a long time to sit and wait when your chest is being crushed with major pain. I was surrounded by horrible coughing and could only imagine the room full of GERMS that I was sitting in.
I was expecting to be discharged since they couldn't find anything wrong with me. Instead I spent the night in the chest pain observation unit. Even with morphine, Valium, and nitro, I really didn't get any relief or sleep until 6:30 in the morning and then it was time to get up and go do the heart stress test!
Now you will have to imagine this part.
Because of my Achilles tendon finally getting healed I asked if I could do the test in my cowgirl boots. Those are the best shoes I have ever worn. They fit my feet so perfectly and give a lot of support...so....

I did the test dressed in two big green patient gowns, one covered the front and one covered the back; and my very hip boots! That was a first for everybody. My feet did not hurt and I did the test well. Felt like I was going to faint from all the morphine and no sleep, but I do believe I can start walking again and that is a very wonderful idea!

I still have chest pain. My plan is to do the Daniel fast for the next 3 weeks maybe longer. Get some weight off, get my bad cholesterol numbers down, and keep on truckin. That's the way I roll, just keep on going.

This is going to be a year of change. The first change is the fast that I just mentioned. The next change and a big one is that Roman is going to a new home. it breaks my heart but I need to think about him too. He is a very big dog not to ever be walked or exercised. He is also an expensive big dog. i haven't been able to keep up with expenses like heart worm meds. A woman that comes to my Bible study has a beautiful home on a lake with 4 great kids and the littlest 6 year old girl is madly in love with Roman, they want him.  The oldest son wants a dog to run with. They all exercise and he will be in the house with everybody and LOVED. He will be fine. It will take me awhile to get over this. They are building a fenced in area for the yard and this has been a slow process. We will go over a couple more times so he is really comfortable over there. He loves all of them.  I was thinking about it on Friday and told my husband it was breaking my heart, and then realized it was real chest pain.

We don't know where we are going to be at the end of this year, but like I said this is the year of change. We are making big decisions about down sizing. We will offer the house for sale in the spring when the garden is the most beautiful. For now I am keeping Sammy, I can only take so much. It is a possibility that he may follow Roman and go to the same family down the road if it looks like we will need to be somewhere we can't have dogs. Sam is much smaller at 40 pounds I can train him to walk with me. Roman is so strong and he is magnificent at 70 pounds. We went to visit and the son took him for a run around the lake just like that. It was beautiful to watch.  Since these are friends I can see him and bring Sammy over for a play day. That's not so bad.

Just thinking about going through this house and packing, sorting, keeping, selling, giving, makes me about come unglued. What a job! It's only taken 10 years to get it all organized and sorted and put away! Our plan is to have a much smaller mortgage or no mortgage. We are listening to God for guidance and direction. I wish we could just go somewhere else cooler, but that is probably not going to happen. I am so happy to have a fire in the fireplace and actually use blankets! It finally cooled off here. This is actually when I like MS most. We have sunshine and crisp cold air. It has been raining a lot, which makes messy muddy dogs but that is life!

I was really busy preparing for Christmas this year. I made 6 aprons loved all of them. Ended up too busy to even take pictures of them all but two. It was great to give home made things and bake cookies. We made a lot of butter cookies,( could that be a factor in the chest pain? ya think?) and pumpkin bread with pecans all kinds of delicious treats. I was so much more relaxed. I ordered a few gifts online for the Little's in Cali and did not even set foot in a mall for the entire month of December!

Guess what? The world did not end! I felt like a Who down in Whoville when the Grinch stole their Christmas and they sang anyway!!! My Grinch heart grew this year! Christmas came even better, more dearer, with the old celebrations of music, food, friends, laughter, and something home made. We enjoyed it so much more. I am not dreading the bills. I actually have a few more aprons to make when I get to them.

One special part of Christmas for me this year involved a family of friends that has 7 children. They love stuffed animals. I was wishing I could give them some new stuffed animals and knew that I would not. While visiting they brought out a big pile of their beloved toys that looked like a flock of velveteen rabbits. Missing ears, worn off noses, large rips with worn stuffing coming out, tails hanging by a thread and noses as well. The children asked me to take their animals to my "hospital," and fix them up. I really had to smile because God orchestrated all of this. They didn't know my wish, and I didn't know I ran a hospital for toys!  As I re stuffed, and stitched I thought about how God does this for us. He takes us just as we are, worn from life, worn from being loved and the things that have ripped at us, and he very lovingly gives us a new heart, and begins to mend and repair, to bring us hope and new life. It was so beautiful these thoughts, as I restored these loved toys. I also got to give a gift to the children that only cost me my time and a few tears, and for them the animals they already loved so much.

These are the kinds of adventures I hope the Lord gives me as we go into 2013. We may not live in the same house or have the same pets, but there will be new people, new experiences and new opportunities to show love; might as well get excited!

Merry Christmas! A Christmas Letter for 2012

 

 

It has really been years since I wrote a Christmas letter. After a while it seems like there is no way to catch up so how do you even start? Instead of catching up I’ll just tell you how we are right now and send you our love!  Where I come from that ‘dawg’ will hunt.

Jimmy has become a fine carpenter. He started out "pushin a broom in an 8x12 4 bit room" when we first came to the south. He has progressed to finish work and has a partner and they keep each other entertained with dumb jokes and manage to make an income. It’s amazing really. They even look alike. If I had planned this letter this is where I would post a little picture of the two of them and center it in the middle of the page. However this is not planned, in fact this is late because it is December 21^st ( just in case we had the end of the world?--ONLY THE FATHER KNOWS!) and I haven’t even addressed the first envelope, so no picture. Just imagine if Jimmy had a brother who looked like him, and talked like him and made jokes like him; sometimes worse! That would be Don, Jim’s southern best friend. 

I have not been employed which embarrasses me but it’s unavoidable. Years of steroids for asthma took their toll and I have had to pay my dues with orthopedic issues; nuff said. BUT the good news is you can’t keep a good girl down or a hyper one either so I manage to keep busy and volunteer my time. It seems God gives me an assignment every day of my life. I might not have a plan but I will have a job to do before the day is done. I have been teaching a ladies Life  Group class which is the new terminology for Sunday school. It is multigenerational and the women have named our class the MsFits, if you need a home you’ll fit in with us. We have a diverse group of age, race, occupation, life situation, and God blends us into a cohesive and loving group.  These ladies are the highlight of my week and it is my humble joy to lead them. God shows up big for all of us faithfully every Sunday in spite of the teacher.  

Through some friends of ours that we met when we first came to MS I have started being involved in an inner city ministry downtown called We Will Go http://wewillgo.org.  And this ministry has stolen and broken my heart.   It is amazing to see what God has accomplished with one couple who would say yes to Him and do the unthinkable; move their little family into the heart of the ghetto. Seven years later there are two camps many renovated little houses, a pavilion for church, a food ministry, clothing ministry, mission’s bases overseas and many lives transformed by Jesus. Former drug lords are now serving others and travelling overseas to share their own story of what Jesus can do to transform a life! The whole thing has me shoutin glory to God or on my face having a snot slinging cry. God has placed a call on my life to this ministry and you can pray for Jimmy and me to be united in this. God’s will be done!

Our kids are all alive praise God. They are making their way in the world. They are old enough to write their own Christmas letters and share their own stories. What we get are photo cards which I love and they stay on my refrigerator all year being changed when the new ones come. Now you know how often I wipe down my refrigerator door.  Oh well, when my life is over it really isn’t going to make a hill of beans difference how clean the house was.

Jimmy and I have been seriously discussing downsizing.  We didn’t plant a garden this year. The zinnias came up on their own. In fact between perennials and annuals that reseed themselves the garden happens by itself but still needs weeding and watering.  This yard seems bigger every year and so does the house and the amount of energy it takes to keep it up is more than either of us want to give.  I have really lost the desire to have a lot of stuff and if most of my things hadn’t come from my family I think I’d have one big garage sale. This will work itself out over time and hopefully this year!  We’d like to sell in the spring, when we can sell the garden with its nice house.

Kayla is home for Christmas and we haven’t seen her for 3 years and we are so glad. There aren’t words really for how we feel to have her home!  Heather is our joy she is awesome. Jen and Lindsey and David have become good southerners and Jennifer has been so supportive of me and such a loving daughter. I can never thank her enough.

Jimmy’s batch is all good! We have such cute little grandchildren out in California it is a crying shame that we are separated. We can’t afford to go back so it would be over the moon cool if they all got the bug to live cheap and come our way. We could sure make somebody a good deal on our house DEREK !  Derek and Jamie go to our old church in Felton and live in the neighborhood we left behind. How is that for déjà vu?  Brandon and Mary bought (AMAZING) a house in California and have two gorgeous children together and her son Chris. Jamie is in the same place, with his faithful wife and man-cub of a son Austin at 16 is GROWN!

Shaunaus is out here near us and works all the time and if she is not working she is cooking something wonderful. She is an undiscovered chef. Her latest toy is a smoker. There is no telling what she will come up with. I just want to eat it.

My good friends moved to Felton and their son Conrad is going to Belhaven because of my blog. How is that for a small world? Meredith came to visit and I just couldn’t get enough of her. I love that girl! It is awesome how friendships made long ago grow and deepen and just get better. Distance can’t erase love. Time can’t erase love. In fact nothing can erase love, especially the love that God has given to us through Jesus. It is the love of God that binds us together. This Christmas I have been reflecting on how truly humbling it was for the God of the universe to consider his position nothing, and let it completely go. To be born as a helpless baby feeling hunger, needing everything and grow up to become a man; amazing. We tend to think of Jesus as half man half God but he was fully 100% man, and fully 100% God.  Part of his humanity though was growing by faith into the full realization of who he was and His purpose here. I really don’t think that Jesus had the master plan of the universe in his mind as a two year old. When you think about it like that, how it wasn’t an automatic ace in the hole, it’s really meaningful to read;  that he was tempted in every way just as we are and yet without sin.

(Sin…ewww did she really say that in her Christmas letter?) Yeah I did because I want you to know what “sin” means.  It’s simple, it means to miss the mark. If you are an archer and you don’t hit the bull’s-eye.  The target is holiness and the standard is set by God. Perfect holiness is the only A game and if you miss the target even once you lose.

How amazing is it that God set the standard and then made a way to give you a perfect game?

Jesus stepped in and hit the standard in perfection and then paid the penalty for all of our mistakes. Justice requires judgment and penalty. If everyone that was ever sentenced got off Scott free why would we even have a justice system? We have an inner compass that screams for justice. We want payment for wrongs especially other peoples. It’s harder when we take a look within. When we do look and we do remember, and we do regret, that is when Jesus steps in and says,” I took the judgment for that, I did your time.”  Jesus took it for everything, and everyone that is willing to receive it. What hurts me is that even if you don’t want it, he still took it. Every lash of the whip, every beard hair ripped out. In Isaiah it says he was marred beyond human recognition. He had to be God to survive to make it to the cross. He had to be God not to explode like a nuclear bomb with all that was heaped on him.  

He was born to die, placed in a stone manger in a miniature version of his future tomb that we may truly live and never die.  This Christmas it is our prayer that this Jesus who we love to serve and live to love, is the Lord in your heart and life.  It is the greatest news we have ever heard and the hope in our hearts.

 It doesn’t matter to me what is politically correct!  In Colombia I learned from the people that whatever is the most important thing going on in your life; that is what you talk about FIRST. Your first conversation shows the highest priority in your life. We can learn from that. I learned from that. This Christmas I am sharing with you the highest priority in my life, Jesus. He took my heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh. He gave me a future and a hope.  He gave me peace.  I hope with all my heart you are celebrating his birth, life, death, resurrection and peace too. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Love Karen and Jimmy

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

 WELCOME to our cheery entrance! My cousin came over and did this and I think it's beautiful. My husband added some lights tonight, not our usual glitz fest like when the kids are home going berserk lighting everything that can have a light hung  on it but it's definitely Christmas.

 Inside too. Every year I cut cedar branches from the trees we brought here from California. We named them after them. Every year I tell the same story to my kids who can recite it now and ask me If I would like to show them where the trees are planted? Zing--- that makes me feel like an old lady.
I love the fresh cedar, it's not pine but it's free.

 Jennifer and the kids decorated the tree they did a beautiful job. Once that happened it got me started. As I went through my decorations. I thought I have way too much of these things, but then there are the ones that are so special.

 This one I bought in Mt. Hermon California at a crafts fair. I thought it was the cutest little baby Jesus. They used a miniature wreath and made this so simply. The end result just stole my heart. It was $1.

 My old nativity set has born around for longer than I remember. I bought some fancy ones a couple of times and didn't keep them. I love the Willow Tree nativity set but it's got a pretty fancy price tag. This is the one the children have put out year after year. This is the one that makes me think of Evie's song about the little shepherd in the nativity scene trying to get closer to see the baby. I make sure he can see.

 Jennifer made this out of tuna can in kindergarten. IT was the first thing she ever made for me at Christmas. She chose a bunny because her nick name when she was little was Bun-Bun or Bunzarellie. one if the ears is missing now.

 This tiny mouse in half a walnut shell is one of the cutest ornaments I have ever had. An old boyfriends mother gave it to me. I really liked his mother, she sent cute ornaments at Christmas. We were pretty serious and when we broke up it hurt his parents. It broke my heart but then I ended up finding my true love. I hope he did.

 This little doll was made by old ladies in the very first nursing home I ever had a job in. I was 22 years old. That makes this sweet little doll 34 years old she looks great don't you think? In my mind I see Anna smiling, drooling down the stroke side of her mouth while she is making this. I have never forgotten those old women from my first job. I treasure the few of these I have. To someone else they aren't anything at all, just a little out of style trinket. For me it's a memory of other lives and days long past.

 My daughter painted this her first year back here. All my kids are such good artists. Wish I was. I think it's so cute. It'll be a keeper and come out every year.

Jennifer gave me a set of ornaments about the 12 days of Christmas and I put the entire set on a small tree in the dining room. I love the meanings of each of these symbols, especially the two turtle doves taken to the temple as an offering for the baby Jesus.

This season has been unique for me. I haven't been to the mall even once. I ordered some gifts for the little grand children in California off the Internet.  I stood in line on black Friday for the first and last time to buy a printer that we needed. I got the great idea of renting a kiosk next year and selling coffee and hot chocolate to the people standing in those lines for hours. Ka ching!

This year I have been giving away my own special treasures, and found a lot of things that are really nice to give away for free.  I still had plenty of jewelry to share and good books on the shelves. I am maing aprons.
If Christmas is about giving why does that mean shopping? Don't we have plenty to give?  I thought of children who need one pair of shoes so they don't injure their feet in the dump while scrounging for something to eat. I thought of clean water projects, and changing the course of a families life by buying them a couple of chickens or a goat.  These gifts just seemed so much more for the Christ child. It is His birthday we celebrate after all. Who else has a birthday where every one else gets the presents? As sweet as the lord Jesus is he doesn't begrudge us our presents. He enjoys the smiles of children.  It was just more important to me this year to relieve some misery in the world, not because of me,  I think I am finally beginning to just see.  It's amazing how when we stop our own, "I want," talk and look around at how much we already have, how much easier it is to see those who have nothing.

I haven't been blogging because I don't even know where to begin. Last year I watched my friend Elysa have a house fire, rebuild her home, get called to Africa, downsize like crazy, give away all her animals and move to a ministry in inner city Jackson with her husband and seven children. She left a country hobby farm and moved into a rebuilt crack house. http://elysasmusingsfromgraceland.blogspot.com/2012/12/all-those-interruptions.html

 Someone wise said, "Look around and see where God is working and join Him in it."  You don't have to start a project. God is busy. Look around and see where He wants you and say yes.
I started going to this ministry in the ghetto. Now I am watching as God is showing us to down size, to sell our house , to relocate our animals and get ready to go wherever He asks us to go.
It's an amazing process.  We have begun the journey. I know we are on the right path because I am not afraid, not even a little. I know it is right because I don't have any emotional need to hang onto things that have always held on to me.  I am actually excited, very excited. It is like I have been waiting all of my life to begin to live and now this year, this special Christmas, we are being born.
We are getting ready in so many ways. Ready to see our family, ready to share gifts, ready for change, ready to serve, ready to have the most excellent adventure.

Like Bilbo Baggins who stepped out his door....

Yeah What the Turkey Said

Just Talk

I woke up early this morning. The weather changed from 82 to 48 in just a few hours and the bone in my hip is throwing a wall-eyed-hissy-fit. However I am excited to say that a fresh pot of veggie 15 bean soup is on the stove and I can wear a sweater today! I am very happy to pull out the warm clothes. Lying in bed this morning petting a big purring furball, my mind went back in time to other fall seasons, little girls in dress up clothes, visiting the punkin patch, and taking trips out to Watsonville for apples.

sigh... I have lived a great blessed life. My joy is full and my heart is grateful. All those years that seemed so hard have distilled down into a sweet savory cup; I only remember the joy.

the struggles--gone

the quarrels--gone

the stuff we never could afford like a swing set--didn't matter

all the stuff of worries--never happened.

How do I know that?

I pulled out picture boxes  piled them high on the bed, with a good cup of hot Good Earth tea in hand, furball purring, and went through the visual reminders of my life,  it was good.

I pulled out a bunch of costume pics to share that will be fun. It's work though I have to scan them into the printer and then onto the lap top but they are so cute I just might. No promises!

I have such a long list of stuff to do. I finally got a wedding present finished and in the mail. I made it. I am taking the time and effort to go back to my roots of home made. It saves money and it means more. But I am not the whiz I was. I have had aprons to cut out on the kitchen table long enough to gather DUST.  Really?  The good positive perspective is there is still hope that I will get to it! I didn't pack it up and put  it away which means it will never get done. So there is hope.

I could lay out an excuse. I can't stand long because I have another CAST. This tendon has been messed up for 6 months. 6 weeks in the cast and then if it's still not healed another trip to the OR. Really I am a surgical junky, 10 surgeries in 25 years. A bit nuts! Everything with me seems to call for a knife.
But God. I am not complaining. 

No worries.

How do I know that?

Because of two words; but God.

I went for my yearly ya know, it's breast cancer awareness right now. I had done a BSE and felt something different, not a lump but not right either, something thick and dense. I thought maybe it was because I can't raise my arm above my head so I figured I'd go in and get my physical.

My doctor didn't like it much. I went to the hospital for a mammogram and an ultrasound and they are both normal which is great news. But there is a but; my mother died of breast cancer and she was diagnosed at 45. My daughter has already had cancer and had a total hysterectomy at 30. So we drew the blood test a BR AC to see if I carry a mutation gene; but medicare won't pay for it because I haven't had cancer myself .  The test costs over $3000. I don't have that kind of change. So much for government health care.  It can only get worse! Politicians do not have any business regulating health care they have got it so screwed up we can hardly work, just ask anyone in health care.

Because of my family history I have a referral to an oncology surgeon on November 12th. We'll decide then what do about my mass if anything. I'm kind of leaning toward taking it out. It may be benign now but whose to say it will stay that way? I don't know. It's weird. I'm willing to listen to the experts first. That's why they get paid the big bucks.

I smell soup. I always said that if I ever got cancer I would do a juice fast and a vegan diet for healing. I have started that without the answer. I'm praying that by November 12th the mass is gone. My God loves me and He is able to do that. I would love to tell you that my faith and prayers, made that mass go away. What I can tell you now is that I have peace. I didn't at first, I cried and felt really scared and emotional. The mass in my breast is in the same place as my mothers was. Freaky.
BUT GOD whose arm is not to short to save. He is my rock and I am standing firm. I believe and it is good to be a believer.  Times like this is when I really thank God that I am.

and just in case you haven't done it lately go get your mammogram or whatever screening you choose, because life is sweet it really is.

Springing Into Fall

 It's still warm here. The nights are cool and the humidity is gone so this is actually what I call our California spring. Perfect weather. It won't last long a few weeks, but each day is just spectacular.

 It's a bit messy but that's how I roll here.

 My 15 pound feline, totally spoiled rotten.

 I have some ambitious ideas of turning men's shirts into aprons like this one.

 This is a big stack of possibilities.

 These are going to get made first if and when I get them cut out. I am desiring to become more productive again.

 If I can quit losing stuff. I literally lose things that cannot be found anywhere in this house.

 Do you think he is maybe burying my stuff in the yard somewhere?

 I decided since it isn't so burning up hot that I could do a bit of something while I am sitting. Still waiting on that Achilles tendon to mend. This is my current project.

This is a finished baby blanket that I made for a friend, can't wait to give it to her. It would really be something if I could learn to follow a pattern. All I ever do is make blankets. I know there are books but I am a visual learner think a class is in order.

I have a new camera but I lost my manual before I could read it. So I am still shooting on auto. I'd like to learn how to take pictures instead of snapshots. I have a big pile of library books right now.
One on knitting and crocheting, two on digital photography that don't speak English, and a fun read called " What the Dog Saw," by Malcolm Gladwell. He is a journalist and this book is a compilation of his favorite articles over 20 years. He can take just about any subject and make it an interesting read. I definitely left my usual genre on this one and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Yesterday I baked a sweet potato pie and discovered why the butter has to be melted and not just softened. As you can see having the butter stay all in one spot didn't deter us from eating it. I was reading about pie crust in my JOY of cooking cookbook and I do believe I am going to get back into making pastry from scratch. I have been buying the rolled ones but now that they cost the same as a 5 pound bag of flour I think I will get  back into making my own. My husband loves pie maybe I can make him a pie a week. That would be nice of me wouldn't it? I need to do something to earn my keep, as my mama used to say. Just wait until I turn the AC off, I'll really get hopping.

How about you? Has fall inspired you?  Fall is really my favorite season. There is just something about the colors, smells, harvests, and fun that just never gets old. It's always a joy to smell apples and see pumpkins. The food is so great too, waffles with applesauce and just about kind of pie and soup. Now if it will just cool off enough for me to wear a sweater my joy will be complete!!

(and if I can find my lost stuff....)