Friday, June 12, 2009

A Crossroads

In one more hour I go to the doctor and find out what he has to say.

I have a lot more questions than answers.

So I spent some time in prayer today. I get slack in my prayer life. I know God loves me so I get into the habit of having these all day conversations with him, a very casual thing. Yeah, I know if you don't believe, then I am just a crazy woman that talks to herself.

Just because he is invisible right now doesn't mean that he isn't real and really alive.

I must be one of those really hard headed sheep, because it seems I never learn without some kind of affliction. I don't know what I am supposed to learn from this.

Like I said I am full of questions today.

What does it mean to live by faith?

Abraham lived by faith. When he was 80 years old God told him to pack up and leave home. He told him to get up and go somewhere that he would show to him. Abraham just did it.

God told Noah to build a big boat. Not just by the water out on dry land. He told everybody there was going to be a flood and it had never rained before. Everyone thought he was crazy, he was ridiculed every day for over a 100 years while he built that big ship. They lived a lot longer in those days. No one was laughing when the rain came.

The children of Israel walked around the city of Jericho for 7 days with the band in front, the priests and their bugles. don't you know they had a lot of questions all week long while they were being laughed at? God had them blow their horns to win a war, and the walls fell down. Surprise.

God asks his kids to look pretty stupid sometimes.

Not to embarrass us but to show the impossible, that He will do the impossible.

Well here I am, up against the Red Sea in two boots.

I am not really sure about anything. How to pay the bills, if we should even pay the bills here or simplify our situation even more. To work or not to work. There are questions about Kayla, her future, her needs.

Heather is in a far away place alone, separated from her family. Her mother has been lost to all who love her drowning in a sea of alcohol for years now. I remember when she loved Jesus, I remember when she was a good mother, I remember when she loved me. She has been lost for a long time.

So what would you give to restore one who is lost?

God gave his son Jesus for us.

I prayed today for my family. I prayed one of those, "DO whatever it takes," prayers. Actually I have heard of those with the courage to pray that, but I have never had the guts to pray that way.

I hate pain. I mean you know the WHATEVER might cost ME something. What if what it takes is something that costs me? What if to win my daughter back I have to get sick? I hate being sick.
I hope this is not confusing.

See I am bringing up questions about suffering and God's goodness. Those are questions wrapped in mystery. I KNOW God and if he did give me a dose of suffering it would be to bring about a good result. Even if I never saw it. It is just true. God's love is like a law that can't be broken or changed. That little word "all" means all when it comes to how he works things out. The good, bad, ugly, pretty, it "all" falls into the little word,"all" and it is going to be alright in the end.

Really the question this morning was what would I give to get my family all where they need to be? To restore them? To defeat the enemy in their lives? What would I give?

Like I said it's a day of questions. Two broken ankles will do that to you.

PS. I am off work for the next 6 weeks and off of income too. No work comp and no disability. (that would be a period) But YES on faith. We HAVE a big garden We HAVE a BIG God, and He is up to something.


farmlady said...

Oh my dear; what I'm I going to do with you. God doesn't expect you to make a deal with him. He doesn't expect you to give one thing for another. What's happening to you is just what LIFE is. It's cause and effect, but it's also just LIFE. God is the light that makes you want to keep going, the prayer that makes your life better, the faith that supports you.
Try not to have expectations about what God will do. Just step back and let him do his work and go with what every happens. You have a lot of things going on in your life right now. You really do..., but it will be better, Sweetie. I'm praying for you.

WudWerkr said...

The simple fact is that " time and unforseen occerances befall us all" , also the book says that " with evil things god cannot be tried nor does he try anyone else " so the bad stuff doesnt come "from " god , however he does "Allow" us to be tried.
And he also " wont allow trials beyond what we can handle"

And on a lighter note , what can you give ? start with the ole guys old glasses lol

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Maybe entering to win some huge prizes will make you worry less? Probably no but worth a shot!!

Hoping that those who like PW's giveaways, will hop over and enter my raffle. It's huge and has 25 days of drawings for prizes totaling over $3000!!


Angela said...

Not to embarrass us but to show the impossible, that He will do the impossible.

This statement made me think about what we have been experiencing for 9 months (as of yesterday)...Randy didn't get a job yesterday because of a criminal record (32 YEARS AGO...a 5 dollar hit of acid...and if he was caught with it now, no charges would ever be laid)...I told Randy today that God was STILL in control...No problems EVER getting a job before with this 'record' until yesterday. Until we NEED money more than ever before...but God IS still in control and I have to trust He KNOWS what He is doing, even though I don't know what He's doing,,don't want to stamp my feet too hard and end up with two broken feet,,LOL...sick humor,,I'm bad!! ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

I think your questions are excellent. I am praying that you get your answers and that if you don't, you continue on as you have... always seeking and always trusting.

Love you much, my friend.

Karen said...

"Just talking to God" is the best thing to do. Questions are good. I hope you get some answers.

Unknown said...

Let go and let God. He will always take care of you.

Good luck at the doctors.

Flea said...

I like the way you think and pray. It would scare the crap out of me to pray that way. But I have in the past. The results have been terrifying at first, but He's always given me the cajones to face into the situation. When I have, the results have been something only He could have engineered. And He's used the experiences to grow and strengthen me. You go, girl. You may be afraid (aren't we all?), but take up the courage like a shield (that shield of faith) and plow into it!

Chris H said...

If you want to cook brownies and comfort eat..FINE... but dont' expect to lose 2 pounds! Just ain't gunna happen....
NOW if losing a few pounds is more important... then LEAVE THE KITCHEN... simple!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

love love love the baby in the post before... he looks BIG. BRADLEY IS cap loc sorry... 10 pounds and 22 inches now. and of course adorable.

you know my husband and i have loud discussions on having faith and waiting on God and what our part is in it all... and of course we dont have any answers but i can tell you i live 95% of my life on the faith that God is going to make it all work out...i am of course still human and still like to take control at times but God loves teaching me and showing me... hang in there it is all good!

Cat Lady said...

This is good reading digest since I'm preparing for Student Ministry. Its so funny though to hear the "Inner Nanny" sometimes, teehee, Love you Sugar Nae Nae.